keepcarrot [she/her]

  • 17 Posts
  • 1.38K Comments
Joined 4 years ago
cake
Cake day: March 3rd, 2021

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  • I ain’t doing great.

    My mum is at the stage of increasing heart rate, sinking blood pressure, both clots and excessive bleeding stage of dying. We thought she was going to die 4 days ago, but she responded well to antibiotics. She’s stopped responded to antibiotics, but she’s not in as much pain as she was last Sunday.

    While this is happening, I’m at my sisters place to be closer and help out with the pets and kids. But I don’t know where anything is or the rhythm of the household so I keep feeling like I’m getting in the way.

    I think I’m going to get evicted in December, triggering another round of destroying half of everything I own because there’s not enough time/money to move everything and I tend to downsize.

    I feel like I’m losing my job. I’ve been given “bereavement leave” but I’m a casual so it just means I’m not getting paid.

    Recently because I’ve suddenly got a full time (hours, not legally) job, I haven’t had enough time to complete many of my projects or even really feed myself properly. Shops are too far away and apparently I will actually starve myself if I can’t satisfy a craving. I apparently want kfc, I have perfectly edible leftovers in the fridge, I can’t bring myself to eat them. This gets worse as other aspects of my life get worse.

    I am finding I cannot make decisions about anything. The longer term decisions are even worse, but getting up and going to the bathroom has to get to a painful point before I will do it, let alone meal planning. If someone yells at me to do stuff I will sometimes do it, but there is no juice left for “initiative”



  • Aaah another one (sorry, have had to cook a lot of group meals and am fairly happy to accommodate a lot of dietary stuff, but almost everything I cook starts with sauteeing a bunch of onion, garlic, and ginger) (best friend of a few years did not like onions, except when she didn’t know about them in, like, burger patties, we just stopped eating together pretty rapidly)