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The original was posted on /r/amithecloaca by /u/rawbery79 on 2023-10-04 22:37:53.

Hello, FRIENDS. Casey, ORANGE tuxedo here. I am here today with a PROBLEM. I tried to DEFEND myself and have been ACCUSED of things that have not even happened.

Last night, I got a WILD WHISKER and hopped up with Mom on the chair with the foot ELEVATOR. I sat on the ELEVATOR since Mom was sitting on her FEETS (she says that makes her part CAT but that is a LIE). I was PURRING and CONTENT even though doing something NEW makes me NERVOUS.

What does Mom DO? She grabs the CLIPPERS and says “this is so perfect, you need a claw trim!” Well. I LIKE my claws the way they ARE. I CANNOT help that they are POKEY to Mom and Dad. I also CANNOT help that I do not know how to use my PAWS without using my CLAWS so sometimes I play with Dad and the RED STUFF just HAPPENS to come out of him.

Mom started on my left foot, and it was FINE. I kept PURRING because I DO like being with Mom, even if she is ANNOYING. But when she switched to OTHER FOOT, I had enough. I started GNAWING on Mom’s finger. But she kept trimming ANYWAY! She did STOP before finishing because she said I was GNAWING her finger too much and it was not PLEASANT.

THEN. THEN!! Friends, such an accusation has never befallen my ears BEFORE.

Mom said to Dad, “well, I know which one would feast on our bodies first given the chance.” MEANING ME. That is RIDICULOUS. I only GNAW because I have to show Mom who is BOSS. Pixel would feast FIRST because he loves FOOD. I only like my KIBBLE and NOTHING else and WET FOOD makes me very NERVOUS because it is NEW and therefore SCARY.

AITC for GNAWING or is Mom for ACCUSATIONS?