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The original was posted on /r/professors by /u/1hyacinthe on 2023-10-07 07:42:35.

So this actually happened.

We all know faculty meetings are a little foretaste of hell. At our recent department meeting, we were discussing student behavior and how to file conduct reports.

Colleague: I had a student come up to my desk and chat with me. He was kind of boxing in the air, you know, as a joke. But it made me think. If a student punched me in the face, what can I do? Could I sit on him to protect the other students and myself?

Department head: struggles to answer for several minutes, without A. Telling the dude his safety didn’t matter or B. giving permission to sit on kids