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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/AmiableRobin on 2023-10-08 04:46:09.

Hi Reddit! TW: SA, DV

I know we can all agree that checking in on exes is a bad idea. I’m not really sure what spawned it - hanging out with friends & family, drinking, probably - but here we are. I feel like this might be long but my inner thoughts are in a bit of turmoil and I needed a safe space to vent.

I (27F) recently discovered my ex husband’s (29M) social media and saw how he summarizes our divorce.

We were together 8 years, married for 6. We were both young, bad at communicating, and eventually it got to a point we couldn’t heal from.

He had, throughout our entire relationship, struggled with commitment. Making multiple secret dating profiles, messaging women, asking for hookups, etc. There were 3 separate occasions he said he had/would change.

At a boiling point I asked for a divorce and, with my soon to be ex, started trying to plan an amicable split. Figure out splitting our finances, the house, our lives. I saw his behavior cracking, though. I also saw him not working towards the split and escalating any time I tried to make a decision. I was terrified. At times he had been physically violent in the past - nothing to leave bruises. Enough that I considered calling the cops but was too scared to escalate him more.

I made plans to leave him and started looking for apartments. I went to my doctor and explained I’d been in a physically violent relationship and things were escalating and I was scared. I went to seek resources, connect with a Social Worker. My doctor assisted in my referrals and also gave me Valium to take for the panic attacks and to help the transition, with my new lease starting in only 2 days.

My ex assaulted me the first night I was on Valium. The night ended in the bedroom and I was finally able to kick him out and lock the door. I left the next day. I had friends who picked me up and blocked me from his sight on the way out the door. They let me stay with them in the coming days to weeks to months. I went to the cops and reported him for the assault only a few days after it happened with ample support. My mom flew to meet me the day after it happened. I filed for divorce and served him papers.

In his posts - I’ve falsified everything. I cheated and then left him for a sugar daddy. I filed multiple charges against him to deflect and protect myself, sued him, and took him to court over my charges. He claims he had to spend tens of thousands defeating me and putting me in my place for the false charges. He went as far as to say that he was able to justify it because I had a kink for being SA’d and made content as a cam model in that category.

I don’t know what actually happened out of my police report. I spoke to a detective twice and that was it. I had been told it had been handed over to the DA. I removed myself from the situation and tried to move on.

I communicated only through my attorney. I asked for our resources to be split 50/50 when it came to proceeds of the house we owned. We assumed our own debts. We kept our own private vehicles and assumed the loans associated. He claims I took everything. That I robbed him of anywhere from $250-500k, and left him high and dry. We didn’t even have that much in equity - proceeds from the sale of our home came to ~$70k and were divided down the middle.

It’s weird to read his warped perception of the things I’ve done to improve my life - buying a truck, travelling the world, returning home, and living my life. It’s still a little terrifying to see him update his social media’s about my life, and his warped perception of it.

I wish in some ways I’d never discovered his social media and the things he’s been saying about me. I feel re-victamized after all these years to know that, in his mind I falsified one of the worst moments of my life, and that he is going so far to defend as to claim I took him to court over it.

I almost wish I did and that I had the opportunity to have my time on the stand now. This man is out here walking free and not even trying to make excuses for his behavior anymore, just claiming I lied.

I know women are constantly demonized in media for taking everything in the divorce but I almost, really, wish I did. It’s some small part of me that wants to think of it as justice for the wrongs committed (I know it isn’t), and the fact that he has never accepted any form of accountability of his actions.

I’m just so exhausted and hurt right now.

Thanks for reading,