None of this matters. Its all a game. Im just here to suffer i guess. So i am gonna kill myself whenever i have the resources, and am currently trying to find a way to get those resources but im broke so that is hard. Idk why i make these posts. Its not like anyone is listening. i just wish i wasn’t alone in having to feel like this.
You’d be amazed at how many people feel the same way. I’ve known a lot of people who have over the years. The thing is, the vast majority of them stop feeling that way at some point, and become glad they never (successfully) ended things. A lot can change over a lifetime.
It would be good to reach out to someone who’s trained to deal with feelings like yours. Your future self will thank you if you do.
I live under the whim of emotionally abusive people and i don’t have much access to any resources, including phones. but i will see a psychiatrist in a few weeks for ocd. But that doesn’t do much to improve my condition or outlook on life. As time goes on everything is becoming worse, and its acceleratting. It feels like slow never ending torture. Even on drugs i can’t find much will or genuine happiness. I am in a dire state and i cannot wait years for my life to get a bit better.
Please, please tell the OCD psychiatrist what you’ve told us. Their advice is going to be much better than ours. Really, what have you got to lose?
One thing I’ll say though, and I’ve told this to my own daughter. Being sad feels terrible, but it’s a normal thing. Having depression is an illness, and it needs to be treated in the same way that a broken bone or a major laceration does. The problem is that, when you have a broken bone, your whole being is screaming at you to get it taken care of. You know it needs to be fixed. But with depression, there’s such a feeling of hopelessness that it doesn’t feel like there’s any use in it. All you can see is everything bad, and there’s little room for even considering a way out. That’s why you need to force yourself to see someone who can treat it.
Good luck. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. I hope you can find it.