lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let’s try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I’m coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it’s so annoying when my family, who knows I’m autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I’ve explained multiple times that I’m not trying to be rude and I’m just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn’t work. I just don’t understand why I have to say “hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)” in some high pitched voice when I could just say, “can you not let the dogs tangle?” in a tone that conveys I’m serious. it’s so much easier when intentions are simply stated.
edit: I’m having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it’s helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)
another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I’ve tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they’ve been unsuccessful but I’m continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it’s not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.
My wife asks similar questions as you. I think neurotypicals have learned to correlate certain tones/mannerisms with certain emotions, and when they don’t match up it’s jarring. As for why they can’t seem to make an exception for you, well, I think it’s just that it’s so ingrained that they cant help it. They could TRY, but deep down they would still expect things to be a certain way, so it might grate on them until they just give up. Depends on their level of empathy and patience I suppose.
when I talked to my sister about it, she said she understands and it’s just different for her, so we both have to work on adjusting to each other, which makes sense. yaknow, find a middle ground. but some people just won’t ajust or try to understand and I find it so infuriating