I had made a similar post on reddit r/trans as well with the same account name.
Hello, if my account name was not a dead giveaway this is a throwaway account.
I am a twenty year old AMAB from India and I am very confused regarding my gender. I live near Delhi and though the culture is very open, there is no one in my circle who is trans. I have tried exploring my gender identity (mostly by comparing my feeling with those that other trans women have wrote they felt, anything aside from this, like cross dressing, might be too costly for me) but I feel like I am working in a vaccum. My question is if there is some resource than can accurately tell if I am trans. For reference, I have already read the gender dysphoria bible, I tick some but not all boxes in imposter and social dysphoria descriptions.
I have read accounts of various trans women and my experience is very different from them. I never felt uncomfortable due to my penis, I never felt as if I was better off as a woman as a kid. As a kid, up until I was 16, I was bullied as a “Chakha”, it is a derogatory term for trans people in north india, I don’t know if it is influencing my feelings. Due to that it took me some time to stop lashing out to be my knee jerk reaction to being called or compared to a girl.
As for reasons I think I might be trans is that nearly every few months I get these intense feelings that I wish I could be a woman. During one of those I nearly cried thinking that I can never be a mother. But these feelings pass by very quickly. Even though I prefer interacting online and even in games through a female persona most of my hobbies are male coded (like FPS games, wargaming, etc). I also hate keeping a beard and hate my belly, others tell me I am not that fat but I don’t feel great about it. Also sometimes I need to stop myself from acting a little too feminine. There was this one time when a friend used a male to female filter on me, I kept gushing about how cute the photo was the entire day.
Any help in this is very much appreciated. This is my first time writing in a forum so please forgive me for any mistakes. Thank you
Hi, I’m a trans feminine non-binary person. The label that fits the closest to me is “demi-girl”. I relate to a lot what you say, I enjoy many “traditional” male hobbies, and I also like my penis.
Ultimately, my goal is to just try to be me. Do what seems right, and shape my body to how I’d like it to look. I do not care to pass, or to “fit in” as a cis woman. I take hormone replacement therapy, and that is sufficient for my goals.
When it comes to transness for me, a lot of it is about my own bodily autonomy, it’s very internal so to say. I do all of this for myself, ultimately. Sure, it’s risky, and I can occasionally get harassed for it, but it has made me much happier and allowed me to actively enjoy my life.
One thing I highly recommend is finding queer and trans communities online, such as on discord. Trans people you can just talk to as friends. It helps a lot in normalizing everything, and gives you a safe place to explore and just be yourself.
Confusion is normal, I used to be confused a lot, until I basically… “Gave up”, and just did what felt right, and over time things became less confusing and more clear.
If there’s anything more you’re curious about or want to ask me about, feel free to do so!