I don’t want to contradict your experience, because I have been in a very similar state of mind in the past and some time ago I would probably have written a similar comment. But I want to tell you about my own experience with social anxiety and being trans. There has been a somewhat strange development of my mental state which you may find informative.
Since I decided to transition, my social anxiety has diminished. No, it’s not gone, but it is less powerful than before. I attribute this to a strange paradox: When presenting male, I was fixated on doing “man” right. I was under constant stress of being exposed as a “fake man” who wasn’t manly enough and I always - consciously and subconsciously - tried to be more male.
I thought that this would also be the case when transitioning to female. That I would constantly have to worry about “doing female” right. But I don’t.
I was convinced that presenting as this or that gender was a constant dance on a tightrope. But after a while I realised that it isn’t anymore, because I am just being myself. It’s one less thing my mind worries about. And a big one at that.
As I said: My social anxiety is still there and I am only making baby steps towards presenting more female, because - yeah - I am also very worried about the social and political climate in the place I live in. And I certainly can’t say that your mind works similarly, but gender dysphoria warps one’s brain in very insidious ways and sometimes the outcome is a paradoxical state of mind.
The “fake male” part, gosh, that resonates so hard with me. I felt like I would mimic other males and none of it ever made sense. Same with transitioning and feeling at least a bit more outgoing.
![egg_irl [CW: Assumes Viewer is Transfem]](https://transfem.space/pictrs/image/50250a83-fd76-455b-a973-081655c7d16f.png){kind=link}
I don’t want to contradict your experience, because I have been in a very similar state of mind in the past and some time ago I would probably have written a similar comment. But I want to tell you about my own experience with social anxiety and being trans. There has been a somewhat strange development of my mental state which you may find informative.
Since I decided to transition, my social anxiety has diminished. No, it’s not gone, but it is less powerful than before. I attribute this to a strange paradox: When presenting male, I was fixated on doing “man” right. I was under constant stress of being exposed as a “fake man” who wasn’t manly enough and I always - consciously and subconsciously - tried to be more male.
I thought that this would also be the case when transitioning to female. That I would constantly have to worry about “doing female” right. But I don’t.
I was convinced that presenting as this or that gender was a constant dance on a tightrope. But after a while I realised that it isn’t anymore, because I am just being myself. It’s one less thing my mind worries about. And a big one at that.
As I said: My social anxiety is still there and I am only making baby steps towards presenting more female, because - yeah - I am also very worried about the social and political climate in the place I live in. And I certainly can’t say that your mind works similarly, but gender dysphoria warps one’s brain in very insidious ways and sometimes the outcome is a paradoxical state of mind.
The “fake male” part, gosh, that resonates so hard with me. I felt like I would mimic other males and none of it ever made sense. Same with transitioning and feeling at least a bit more outgoing.