Or kids are neurodivergent and have trouble with changing from one activity to another…
Or the kid is overwhelmed by a new situation and needs help regulating…
Or the kid is hungry…
Or tired…
Being strict without understanding why a kid is acting up is not helpful. It should be possible to treat a child like a person and still set (and enforce) clear boundaries.
It is absolutely possible to treat the child like a person. My point is that most tantrums are allowed by the parents because of frustration.
The reason for tantrums should be clear as day to the parents. Usually, the kid is wanting something or not wanting to do something badly. Kids are not complex and their basic needs should be second nature to parents by the time they are old enough to throw a tantrum.
When a child is old enough to throw a tantrum, they are able to understand words, generally. IMHO, the parent needs to be firm, not “strict”. Old phrases like “the parents are always right” or “because I said so” should be thrown in the trash where they belong.
For example, when I was at the mall with my first daughter (she was 4, I think.) she threw her first (and last) tantrum in the middle of the crowded mall because she wanted to go into the Disney store as we were leaving. My reaction was quick and firm. I immediately squatted down to her eye level, ensured eye contact and that she was fully focused on me. (Being quick about my response was important.) I explained that throwing a tantrum was not going to help her situation one bit. I didn’t raise my voice or hold her down. I didn’t threaten her with punishment or anything like that. She understood immediately that she did not like my shift into “daddy mode” and the battle was over quicker than it started.
My approach there was to quickly snap the kids attention directly to me. Using words they understand is important, of course, but I explain what they are doing is not right. I have them repeat the point of what I say to make sure they understand it, out loud.
If, by chance, the parent actually doesn’t understand what the child needs, that is a perfect time to ask. Help the child communicate their needs properly.
How that is applied is situational, but the underlying method is the same. Break the endless cycle of the kid saying “but I want” and the parent just saying “no”.
Tantrums are all the same. It’s a pointless escalation of a situation by both the child and the parent.
Neurodivergence is a special case, obviously. However, using distraction and simple logic can help as well. There have been a few tantrums by my nephew I have stopped cold using the same method. It is more challenging because of the needs of the child, but it works.
Knowing that people think like you scares me (not for my sake, I don’t have people like you around me, but for the sake of your kids and others around you who you are absolutely not even registering in your considerations).
Your experience isn’t universal, and making a caveat at the end that basically excludes disabled people in your mind from society at large is gross and ableist.
One child is grown and the other almost is, and I rarely use this instance, btw. A more complete history is on lemmy.ca.
My children are A/B students and think for themselves. I haven’t been angry with my kids in years and only then was it when they did something that potentially caused them harm. They don’t get in trouble or get in fights. Now that the most difficult years of parenthood are over, I get to spoil them a little.
I am an engineer, and have a respectable career. I recognize psychedelics as helpful to society and are 100% legal where I live. Guns are a hobby, not my personality. (My other hobbies are plentiful as well. If you want to learn about electronics, computers, IT security, basic CNC machining, 3D printing, or numerous other topics, let me know!)
I knew it was a matter of time before these quips came up. There is nothing I said that was harmful or even suggested abuse. If parents can’t look at themselves and realize that most of their child’s behavior is a direct result of how the parents themselves behave, well, I can’t help them.
Unfortunately, I can’t write a full novel about all the nuances of being a parent. If you read my words, I tried to generalize and caveat where possible. I am being very blunt and direct and its not hard to understand that it’s going to piss off someone.
My experience is absolutely not universal. Do you have a brain? Use it. Everything is situational. Adjust your actions accordingly. Be firm and kind but don’t give up and cave to a child’s demands. If you feel the need to judge an entire person by a single comment, you do you.
Too many parents I have seen get stuck in loops of negotiating with their kids and end up getting frustrated and yelling. People make tantrums out to be hyper-complicated when they really aren’t.
Kids, for the most part, are mirrors of the parents behavior. Kids emulate behavior as it’s a key part of development. If parents don’t recognize their own actions and behavior has consequences, then they need to start looking deep.
Or kids are neurodivergent and have trouble with changing from one activity to another…
Or the kid is overwhelmed by a new situation and needs help regulating…
Or the kid is hungry…
Or tired…
Being strict without understanding why a kid is acting up is not helpful. It should be possible to treat a child like a person and still set (and enforce) clear boundaries.
It is absolutely possible to treat the child like a person. My point is that most tantrums are allowed by the parents because of frustration.
The reason for tantrums should be clear as day to the parents. Usually, the kid is wanting something or not wanting to do something badly. Kids are not complex and their basic needs should be second nature to parents by the time they are old enough to throw a tantrum.
When a child is old enough to throw a tantrum, they are able to understand words, generally. IMHO, the parent needs to be firm, not “strict”. Old phrases like “the parents are always right” or “because I said so” should be thrown in the trash where they belong.
For example, when I was at the mall with my first daughter (she was 4, I think.) she threw her first (and last) tantrum in the middle of the crowded mall because she wanted to go into the Disney store as we were leaving. My reaction was quick and firm. I immediately squatted down to her eye level, ensured eye contact and that she was fully focused on me. (Being quick about my response was important.) I explained that throwing a tantrum was not going to help her situation one bit. I didn’t raise my voice or hold her down. I didn’t threaten her with punishment or anything like that. She understood immediately that she did not like my shift into “daddy mode” and the battle was over quicker than it started.
My approach there was to quickly snap the kids attention directly to me. Using words they understand is important, of course, but I explain what they are doing is not right. I have them repeat the point of what I say to make sure they understand it, out loud.
If, by chance, the parent actually doesn’t understand what the child needs, that is a perfect time to ask. Help the child communicate their needs properly.
How that is applied is situational, but the underlying method is the same. Break the endless cycle of the kid saying “but I want” and the parent just saying “no”.
Tantrums are all the same. It’s a pointless escalation of a situation by both the child and the parent.
Neurodivergence is a special case, obviously. However, using distraction and simple logic can help as well. There have been a few tantrums by my nephew I have stopped cold using the same method. It is more challenging because of the needs of the child, but it works.
Knowing that people think like you scares me (not for my sake, I don’t have people like you around me, but for the sake of your kids and others around you who you are absolutely not even registering in your considerations).
Your experience isn’t universal, and making a caveat at the end that basically excludes disabled people in your mind from society at large is gross and ableist.
The guys post history shows he’s into guns and shrooms. He’s got some strong opinions on kids while being less than a model parent.
One child is grown and the other almost is, and I rarely use this instance, btw. A more complete history is on lemmy.ca.
My children are A/B students and think for themselves. I haven’t been angry with my kids in years and only then was it when they did something that potentially caused them harm. They don’t get in trouble or get in fights. Now that the most difficult years of parenthood are over, I get to spoil them a little.
I am an engineer, and have a respectable career. I recognize psychedelics as helpful to society and are 100% legal where I live. Guns are a hobby, not my personality. (My other hobbies are plentiful as well. If you want to learn about electronics, computers, IT security, basic CNC machining, 3D printing, or numerous other topics, let me know!)
I knew it was a matter of time before these quips came up. There is nothing I said that was harmful or even suggested abuse. If parents can’t look at themselves and realize that most of their child’s behavior is a direct result of how the parents themselves behave, well, I can’t help them.
Unfortunately, I can’t write a full novel about all the nuances of being a parent. If you read my words, I tried to generalize and caveat where possible. I am being very blunt and direct and its not hard to understand that it’s going to piss off someone.
My experience is absolutely not universal. Do you have a brain? Use it. Everything is situational. Adjust your actions accordingly. Be firm and kind but don’t give up and cave to a child’s demands. If you feel the need to judge an entire person by a single comment, you do you.
Too many parents I have seen get stuck in loops of negotiating with their kids and end up getting frustrated and yelling. People make tantrums out to be hyper-complicated when they really aren’t.
Kids, for the most part, are mirrors of the parents behavior. Kids emulate behavior as it’s a key part of development. If parents don’t recognize their own actions and behavior has consequences, then they need to start looking deep.