This is not a comparison between Tildes and Beehaw. The question really is what constitutes a safe space, but looking at them side by side was at made me think about this issue. I’m new in both communities and I’m aware that they are in a state of adaptation with all the newcomers, something to keep in mind. Another detail to be considered is that the space I talk about is the limitations (rules and guidelines) in which the community can exist to create their own culture.
Firstly, Tildes is not a safe space and doesn’t intend to be. It’s far from being a free for all with rampant toxicity either. You go there if you want to have healthy discussions with people that know better than to cross the line when expressing themselves. That line, though, is more defined by practical consequences. You derail the conversation into something that goes in the direction of nasty and it will be cut down.
At Beehaw, I see a desire to avoid unnecessary grief. A user might have a bad day and say something in a way that rubs others the wrong way, but that will not be the norm and I imagine it’s expected that people will take notice when called out.
Both places incentive productive discussions, but Beehaw puts its users well being above all else. I believe there’s a gap between the two that can’t be filled by anything else. I think this gap is what is necessary to create a safe space. No fuzzy line that can easily be crossed, but a ditch.
With all that said, in a somewhat obvious way, I see safe spaces defined by how you make the people inside it feel. Basically, safe to exist and safe to engage. A space in which you don’t have to fear being hurt, even if that’s an impossible guarantee. In a safe space, if things go bad, there will be plenty that have your back.
Hostile spaces, on the other hand, are marked by the lack of care for safety. The world is a dangerous place and you should just deal with it or stay locked at home.
That’s probably enough from me. What are your thoughts? What do you look for in a safe space for discussions? And how do you know if you are in the right place?
I look for good moderation with a general theme of “don’t be a dick”. Being a dick is intentional, not accidental. People can be heated and passionate and contrary, but that doesn’t mean you have to choose to be a dick about it.
When someone is being a dick in an online space where there are more tools available than in real life, I want that moderation to keep things from getting out of hand via official functions from those in authority roles (warnings, temp bans) or community soft power (user intercession, social pressure).
Like some, I’m not thrilled with how prominent it feels the enforcement of rules is presented almost as a theme at either beehaw or tildes, but generally I’ll accept enthusiastic enforcing of civil behavior over a free-for-all. It’s easier - and less damaging to a community - to start with restrictions then loosen them over time as those social pressures help keep things on track and less official intervention is required.
It helps that both tildes and beehaw have stated pretty expectations pretty clearly which should help with both user and admin experiences overall - mostly. Most people are okay with rules they acknowledge and accept as long as they are enforced as expected.
The only trap that can happen with rule enforcement being prominent - and it happens in all sorts of community spaces - is if the rules become the central factor of the community. I think that’s what ends up creating the feeling of elitism and frustration with participation in the community when how well someone is following the rules becomes an idealism. That can push people away because the “safe space” becomes a special club which you can’t belong if you don’t follow the letter of the law even if you follow the spirit of it. A good fediverse example recently is the alt-text wrist slapping on Mastodon with some folks pushing it as a tenant for “good” Mastodon users to adhere.
Either way, the fact there are so many more active options these days - with some helpful inertia from twitter and reddit kerfuffles - means folks should be able to find spaces they’re happy to hang out in and can avoid dicks. And there’s always the option to not participate at all. :)