I think you explained this pretty well, and you hit on a significant point about internalised misogyny.
I’m a bi woman who, as a general rule of thumb, has the dating preference of “anyone but cis-het men” because I’ve found that ace, bi or trans men have often been forced to work though a lot more of that internalised misogyny than most men (as well as having more community support to do so)*.
It sounds like a big, ideological stance, but it’s just a way of reducing the likelihood of dating someone who would refuse to drink a “girly” cocktail, even if they think it’s delicious. It’s only a rule of thumb though because as you highlight, it’s possible for anyone to do the work to unearth and work through their internalised biases. I wish there were more straight dudes who wouldn’t be scared of people thinking they’re gay. Gay people get asked out by people of the opposite gender all the time, it shouldn’t be a big deal. The societal pressure is real though.
I’m glad you shared your experience, it was nice to read. It’s good to see examples of positive masculinity, because there’s a lot of examples of toxic masculinity in the discourse and that can lead to the incorrect impression that masculinity or men in general are bad. In my experience, men who are aware of these issues are generally happier and healthier than their peers.
* This isn’t to say that LGBTQ men are immune to toxic masculinity, no group of people is a monolith ofc
I think you explained this pretty well, and you hit on a significant point about internalised misogyny.
I’m a bi woman who, as a general rule of thumb, has the dating preference of “anyone but cis-het men” because I’ve found that ace, bi or trans men have often been forced to work though a lot more of that internalised misogyny than most men (as well as having more community support to do so)*.
It sounds like a big, ideological stance, but it’s just a way of reducing the likelihood of dating someone who would refuse to drink a “girly” cocktail, even if they think it’s delicious. It’s only a rule of thumb though because as you highlight, it’s possible for anyone to do the work to unearth and work through their internalised biases. I wish there were more straight dudes who wouldn’t be scared of people thinking they’re gay. Gay people get asked out by people of the opposite gender all the time, it shouldn’t be a big deal. The societal pressure is real though.
I’m glad you shared your experience, it was nice to read. It’s good to see examples of positive masculinity, because there’s a lot of examples of toxic masculinity in the discourse and that can lead to the incorrect impression that masculinity or men in general are bad. In my experience, men who are aware of these issues are generally happier and healthier than their peers.
* This isn’t to say that LGBTQ men are immune to toxic masculinity, no group of people is a monolith ofc