• GBU_28@lemm.ee
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    9 months ago

    Shouldn’t practiced polyamory be known, and discussed? (Therefore accepted by both parties?)

    I feel like the alternative is cheating (hidden, secret)

    I’m ignorant of this but do poly practitioners struggle with relationship duration/durability? I guess I could see how, but that seems like an assumption.

      • GBU_28@lemm.ee
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        9 months ago

        It’s among a list of risk factors for queer relationships, and I made an assumption that polyamory that’s discussed/known/ in the open would be just fine, like everyone would be cool with it

        • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
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          9 months ago

          Just because one is polyamorous and not hiding it, does not mean that they are practicing healthy polyamory. Unfortunately many individuals use polyamory as a framework to attempt avoid consequences for shitty behavior like cheating (yes, you can cheat while polyamorous!) or as a way to cope with their inability to actually commit to anyone or simply to get their narcissistic needs met. In many cases they get a certain set of needs or most of their needs met by a primary partner and treat secondary partners more as toys or one-dimensional with regards to the missing needs that their primary aren’t giving them. I’ve met and dated people who ultimately were not very interested in a truly collaborative relationship (hard boundaries in inappropriate places causing power dynamic issues) while making no effort to contribute equally to a relationship. Part of that is propped up by the reality that managing a breakup is easier when you have other partners who can and will provide emotional support, or as stated earlier primary partners who already provide most of your needs.

          • GBU_28@lemm.ee
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            9 months ago

            Expressing a personal opinion here: anything but truly balanced and open poly just seems like cheating with extra steps, queer or not.

            • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
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              9 months ago

              I think it’s reasonable to have different styles of poly relationships to meet different needs and desires without it constituting cheating - but it requires a level of transparency, honesty, and self-awareness that most people are incapable of.