I know that a lot of people want to catch em’ all, but my job is a much bigger challenge. It is my goal to masturbate to all 807 Pokemon, plain and simple. I usually try to do it twice a day, regardless of the difficulties. At the end, I always win. I go on places like Deviantart, rule 34 and, occasionally e621 in order to achieve this massive goal, and when I finally do, I will become a Pokemon Master. Sometimes, it is easy. I can come in five minutes looking at Gardevoir or Lopunny pornos. Sometimes I come across major challenges that I have to overcome, in the case of Garbodor and Magikarp especially. I have to imagine the wet, sloppy fish mouth sucking on my cock without thinking about the actual fish itself. It is very hard, but the satisfaction you get when you achieve victory is immense. Not only do you get the generally pleasurable feeling from ejaculation, but you also know that you overcame an obstacle few men have dared to try. I have a total of 347 successful ejaculations total, but it only gets harder as I move on. When I see a Serperior, for instance, I have to think to myself “In what way can I imagine this creature in order to get off to it?” It is a puzzle for sure, considering I do not have a thing for (most) of these creatures, making it extremely entertaining and interesting for others to watch. I try to focus in on its somewhat beautiful face, and think about that more than the yards of snake behind it. I sometimes have issues with Pokemon like Machamp, who appear extremely male. But I always find a way. There has been no hurdle too steep for me. I want to be the very best. Anything lower does not cut it. And that is why I am beating off to pictures of Lucario on the Internet, mom.
This copy pasta is old. There are 1025 now
Is this from before Pokemon GO? Or does that have a separate one for public indecency?
I have no idea. Saw it first time years ago
I thought it said “if you can’t jack off every single character in a video game…” and I was like
spoiler
HELL YEAH BROTHER CRANK THOSE HOGS
I also thought it said this and wondered what games allow you to jerk off the guys.
I also read it that way and was like “I have missed a lot about modern gaming, it seems, what year is it now?”
DIDN’T HEAR SHIT UNTIL YOU SAID WHAT MATTERED BROTHER. HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A GOOD DAY AND KEEP ON CRANKIN
I’m not sure how I feel about this. If I can jerk off to every single character in a game that would imply there is a female protagonist which offends me.
There may be no protagonist, though 🤔 it’ll be some kind of art house
Skill issue.
I’ve jerked off to every boss in Bloodborne.
Is your username the first thing you ever beat your meat to?
The plot looked at you?
It’s an appripriately changed quote from the Simpsons. “I saw one of the babies and it looked at me.”
And then Wiggum asks Ralph “The baby looked at you?”
Ash? Get me Professor Oak.
And if you gaze for long into the plot, the plot gazes also into you.
Gaze apon the plots and despair for they are barren.
Nah, it’s fine. We played Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley. We can save them.
As someone who mostly retro games, agreed. Look at these
twofive stallions.
I always loved tetris more than anything else but never could put my finger on why…
