I lost four spokes on my morning commute when the chain decided to jump off the big cog. Of course I don’t have a spoke protector. (Who needs a dork disc? Bad things won’t happen if you keep your bike maintained. /s) I was lucky to skid to a stop rather than crash when the rear wheel locked up.
PSA: keep a few zip ties in your repair kit.
Yeah. I wasn’t sure whether you’re mocking people maintaining their bikes or yourself there. I think doing a quick tightening of your screws, oiling / waxing your chain and adjusting your derailleur are kinda the main things you want to do, especially if the bike was standing around for a while (even more so if stored outside where the temps fluctuate even more).