I’ve got a 3 week-old newborn. During the day there are plenty of adorable moments and easy times. But it’s the middle of the fucking night, he strategically waited until I was switching diapers to piss on me and all over, then was flailing his arms and pushing the bottle out of his mouth even though he was very hungry, then shit his GODDAMN BRAINS OUT while eating, then after I burped him and cleaned him up and got him in new clothes and swaddled and put him down, he fucking screamed until I picked him up again.
Like, I’ve given him everything his tiny little brain and body could need. That coupled with the strategic shitting and pissing to require the absolute maximum amount of work from me.
The vent here, I guess, is that I fucking hate this. I loved my life with my wife and now we have next to zero intimacy(not sex, obviously, but even our normal physical touch). We have zero time for each other, one is tending the baby, while the other is desperately trying to keep up with cleaning bottles and keeping the house passably clean and there is no time for anything.
I would never let any of what I just said affect how I interact with the baby, but I’m fucking sick of having literally zero independence and I miss my wife (her being in the same bed and next to me most of the day makes it worse somehow).
Fuck.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Check out The Oatmeal, they’ve got a comic about having kids that’s painfully applicable.
Totally hear you. First few weeks are tough. Some kids are harder than others, and you’re learning a lot too. Good news is that they get easier, and you will get better at it. Also, a couple months in they start smiling and you get some encouragement finally.
Until then - consider a postpartum doula and a housecleaner. Takes money, but your life and family are worth it if you are able. You can’t get all the independence back, but you can get enough.
My parents paid for a lawn mowing service for a few months, which is a game changer for me. My wife has been pricing out cleaning services, too. We don’t have night nurse-money, but the things we can afford should be helpful
Depending on your situation there are some doula services that are partially or fully covered by some medical groups. Varies state by state and depending on income and other factors, but can be a few visits or so. If you talk to a doula collective they may have more info for your specific area.
Also worth noting that research indicates that the fathers can experience symptoms similar to post-partum depression as well. I’m not armchair diagnosing anything or anyone, but the strain of a newborn is real. Take care of each other and yourself too.