I’m 30 and horrible at keeping friends. I don’t know if it’s the unschooling or the autism, but I’m told I come across as hostile when I think I’m being nice.

I know the basics. I make eye contact but not too much, I ask people about themselves and their interests to show I’m interested, I don’t dominate conversations with myself and my own interests. I try to be a nice person people might want to keep around, too— I give money when someone’s in a pinch, I remember birthdays, I help move, et cetera.

Eventually people either people tell me I’m being a dick in ways I never realized, or more likely, they just eventually stop messaging me back.

The one thing I’m sure I struggle with is body language. I’ve read a lot that you need to mirror the other person’s body language, but I don’t know how to do that. Especially since I normally meet people at work and we’re usually pushing big carts around and moving products and I’m just not thinking about my body as something expressive, just practical.

I’m sure I have many more blind spots that I’m not even aware of.

So like… are there classes for this? Some kind of specialized therapy? I don’t really want to try anymore unless I can stop being a dick

  • Kissaki@beehaw.orgEnglish
    2·
    3 months ago

    Toastmasters seems to be focused on giving presentations?

    From their about page:

    Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that builds confidence and teaches public speaking skills through a worldwide network of clubs that meet online and in person. In a supportive community or corporate environment, members prepare and deliver speeches, respond to impromptu questions, and give and receive constructive feedback.

    • LallyLuckFarm@beehaw.orgEnglish
      3·
      3 months ago

      Yes, but those skills of effective communication are able to be universally applied, even in private conversation. The fact that it’s a positive environment and one focused on constructive feedback is why I feel that it might be an avenue for OP