I’m in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.
I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.
I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t understand how it’s possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn’t just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.
Unfortunately I wasn’t good enough for him and he didn’t want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.
I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It’s like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?
Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he’s a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it’s not just me.
I really don’t know what to do other than cry about losing him. I’ve tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?
My life hasn’t gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.
Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn’t real, because ultimately he clearly didn’t feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.
This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven’t even come close to meeting someone like him so they can’t relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won’t even get the chance to meet.
I mean what am I supposed to do?
Do? Be patient and don’t believe your feelings when they say that you won’t ever be happy again. When I’m depressed, unhappy thoughts feel true even when logic says they definitely aren’t, but trusting logic is a difficult skill. I have gotten better at it over time but the main step is to simply recognize that it’s necessary because you can’t always trust your feelings.
Imagine that you had a good friend who was going through something like what you’re going through. Would you think that her life was ruined and she might as well just give up? I don’t expect that you would. You would have a lot of sympathy for her, but you would also have the perspective necessary to see that things would get better for her. Treat yourself the way that you would treat such a friend.
Finally, I’m not a doctor but I think you should talk to a doctor about getting an antidepressant prescribed. I’m almost certain that a psychologist would advise you to try it. Psychologists are expensive but many GPs prescribe antidepressants too. Modern antidepressants rarely have serious side effects so the potential benefits outweigh the risks by quite a lot.
Don’t think that antidepressants are just for depressed people but you’re not depressed because you have a good reason to be unhappy. Depressed people think that too, and it’s one of those thoughts that you shouldn’t trust. I will forever be grateful to the friend who convinced me to get antidepressants and the couple of friends I convinced have been very happy with their decision too. I strongly suggest trying them.
Unfortunately I’ve tried several antidepressants and got really bad side effects from all of them to the point I become even more deranged I don’t really agree they don’t have serious side effects but I guess it depends on the person and also what serious means to you. Of course not everyone will get side effects.
I got side effects from some too (one made me sleep 16 hours a day, like a cat) but I tried different ones and the ones I take now have no side effects for me that I am aware of. They aren’t SSRIs. (In fact, one of the two I take now is an anti-epilepsy medication prescribed off-label.) I hope I don’t sound patronizing when I ask this - have you tried antidepressants from other drug families? There are many very dissimilar drugs and maybe one of them would work for you.
Yeah, my doctor started me on the ones that are supposed to have the least side effects. Then tried a few others.