Debian: Always has some non-school-related books in its bag. Only watches films that stayed popular 10+ years after release. Has a flip phone and a Craig brand MP3 player.
Ubuntu: Wants to be like Debian, but only reads manga and watches anime with original audio, even if it couldn’t find subs, “because it’s the only real experience” (does not speak Japanese). Unironically wears a headband. Best friends are all weebs. Somehow still the most popular kid.
Mint: The nice kid. Always friendly and approachable. Went to the same primary school as Ubuntu, now trying to distance itself.
Fedora: Gadgets out the ass. Goes to midnight launches. Both parents are rich corpo executives.
RHEL: The rich corpo parents. You never feel comfortable around them. A teacher once overheard you talking about them and told you to keep those opinions to yourself. Pretty sure two-thirds of the school’s funding comes from them. Might be involved in human trafficking.
CentOS: RHEL’s oldest child. Graduated years ago. You haven’t heard from it in a while.
CentOS Stream: RHEL’s middle child.
Bazzite: Fedora’s gamer boyfriend.
Arch: The weird geek. Gray hoodie and cargo pants. Always has a solution to every problem (mostly unsolicited). Small group of like-minded friends. Has RSS feed with alerts on phone in case new music is released. Once forgot its boots at home. Wears gold.
EndeavourOS: Like Arch, but polite and dresses nicely. Space nerd.
Manjaro: Like Arch, but socially awkward and can mess up even a greeting. Often misses the bus. Wears gold, but it really clashes with the rest of its outfit.
SteamOS: The Gamer. Happy to share/trade game discs. Learned Russian from MSGV, production planning from Factorio, and Excel skills from EVE Online. Parents own a successful winery. Neighbourhood delinquents called Timmy and Wolfy have a grudge, for some reason.
SuSE: The exchange student. Apparently went to a classy high school in Europe.
Knoppix: You never see it in class. Somehow still good grades. Always down for a beer.
OpenWRT: The one with the car.
Kali Linux: Doing a network engineering introduction course. Unironically calls itself a hacker. Always carries a Flipper Zero.
Slackware: The chilled out janitor who sells cigarettes.
SLS: The retired previous janitor who sells weed.
(edit: some more!)
The BSDs: Students from a small rural town. They always hang around, but aren’t actually students. Sometimes complain about life in the city.
GNU Guix: Homeschooled all its life. Has an opinion on everything. Only uses pencils from a particular manufacturer. Vegan.
Artix: Former friend of Arch with many of the same interests. Argument about Lord Of The Rings versus Harry Potter caused a schism.
Proxmox: The computers guy. Half of its bedroom is dedicated to computer hardware. Hosts a dozen game servers, but never actually plays. Finds silence extremely distressing. Has a forum.
OpenMediaVault and TrueNAS Scale: The media gurus. Think of any film or series, they have it.
Gentoo: The mechanic. There’s nothing it can’t assemble or fix (in two to three days). Takes great pride in its own work. Has a bicycle that was assembled from mis-matched parts. Thinks the ship of Theseus is a stupid concept.
Android: Always on the phone. Always “has an app for that”. Nobody really likes it, but always involved in everything.
GrapheneOS: Android’s twin. Goth. Disillusioned with modernity, but couldn’t lift a hoe to save its life. Kind of a dick.
I’ll extend your RHEL corpo parents with the other children in the family. The majority of their revenue comes from completely legal oxycodone sales, any (alleged) trafficking is just a side hustle.
Rocky: The rich corpo parent’s least favorite child. Chill dude. Gives hugs to his parents victims. Still intends to take over the family business and run an oxycodone-empire - but ethically.
Alma: The other reasonable estranged child. Wants to take over the family business, but considers high quality ”herbal remedies” the only pain medication anyone would ever need.
Oracle: Wants to pivot the family business into more potent opioids and possibly world domination. While it’s obvious he has access to ”stuff”, you suspect he has ties to multiple cartels and possibly the yakuza. For some reason has direct numbers to several heads-of-state in his phone.
Debian: Always has some non-school-related books in its bag. Only watches films that stayed popular 10+ years after release. Has a flip phone and a Craig brand MP3 player.
Ubuntu: Wants to be like Debian, but only reads manga and watches anime with original audio, even if it couldn’t find subs, “because it’s the only real experience” (does not speak Japanese). Unironically wears a headband. Best friends are all weebs. Somehow still the most popular kid.
Mint: The nice kid. Always friendly and approachable. Went to the same primary school as Ubuntu, now trying to distance itself.
Fedora: Gadgets out the ass. Goes to midnight launches. Both parents are rich corpo executives.
RHEL: The rich corpo parents. You never feel comfortable around them. A teacher once overheard you talking about them and told you to keep those opinions to yourself. Pretty sure two-thirds of the school’s funding comes from them. Might be involved in human trafficking.
CentOS: RHEL’s oldest child. Graduated years ago. You haven’t heard from it in a while.
CentOS Stream: RHEL’s middle child.
Bazzite: Fedora’s gamer boyfriend.
Arch: The weird geek. Gray hoodie and cargo pants. Always has a solution to every problem (mostly unsolicited). Small group of like-minded friends. Has RSS feed with alerts on phone in case new music is released. Once forgot its boots at home. Wears gold.
EndeavourOS: Like Arch, but polite and dresses nicely. Space nerd.
Manjaro: Like Arch, but socially awkward and can mess up even a greeting. Often misses the bus. Wears gold, but it really clashes with the rest of its outfit.
SteamOS: The Gamer. Happy to share/trade game discs. Learned Russian from MSGV, production planning from Factorio, and Excel skills from EVE Online. Parents own a successful winery. Neighbourhood delinquents called Timmy and Wolfy have a grudge, for some reason.
SuSE: The exchange student. Apparently went to a classy high school in Europe.
Knoppix: You never see it in class. Somehow still good grades. Always down for a beer.
OpenWRT: The one with the car.
Kali Linux: Doing a network engineering introduction course. Unironically calls itself a hacker. Always carries a Flipper Zero.
Slackware: The chilled out janitor who sells cigarettes.
SLS: The retired previous janitor who sells weed.
(edit: some more!)
The BSDs: Students from a small rural town. They always hang around, but aren’t actually students. Sometimes complain about life in the city.
GNU Guix: Homeschooled all its life. Has an opinion on everything. Only uses pencils from a particular manufacturer. Vegan.
Artix: Former friend of Arch with many of the same interests. Argument about Lord Of The Rings versus Harry Potter caused a schism.
Proxmox: The computers guy. Half of its bedroom is dedicated to computer hardware. Hosts a dozen game servers, but never actually plays. Finds silence extremely distressing. Has a forum.
OpenMediaVault and TrueNAS Scale: The media gurus. Think of any film or series, they have it.
Gentoo: The mechanic. There’s nothing it can’t assemble or fix (in two to three days). Takes great pride in its own work. Has a bicycle that was assembled from mis-matched parts. Thinks the ship of Theseus is a stupid concept.
Android: Always on the phone. Always “has an app for that”. Nobody really likes it, but always involved in everything.
GrapheneOS: Android’s twin. Goth. Disillusioned with modernity, but couldn’t lift a hoe to save its life. Kind of a dick.
Craig branded MP3 playerDankpods fan, are you now?
This is great
I’ll extend your RHEL corpo parents with the other children in the family. The majority of their revenue comes from completely legal oxycodone sales, any (alleged) trafficking is just a side hustle.
Rocky: The rich corpo parent’s least favorite child. Chill dude. Gives hugs to his parents victims. Still intends to take over the family business and run an oxycodone-empire - but ethically.
Alma: The other reasonable estranged child. Wants to take over the family business, but considers high quality ”herbal remedies” the only pain medication anyone would ever need.
Oracle: Wants to pivot the family business into more potent opioids and possibly world domination. While it’s obvious he has access to ”stuff”, you suspect he has ties to multiple cartels and possibly the yakuza. For some reason has direct numbers to several heads-of-state in his phone.
Redhawk the coked out shop kid you normally want nothing to do with but will also give you a ride to another town at 3 am.