if youve never eaten tofu DO NOT TRY IT
it is so good
my nephew coerced me into trying it by calling me a pussy in front of my friends for refusing i pretended i hated it so the guys didnt think i was gay but it was so good and i cant get away with eating it in secret because my wife wont let me go to the grocery store anymore but i wouldnt want to eat it anyway because i heard it turns you into a girl
so anyway
thats why i need a manly alternative ive got these ungodly liberal cravings for tofu and theres no meatbased alternative… YET so i made this concept art using a website and now i just need to do three things
- patent it
- get a factory
- figure out how to make it
if you know how to do these things please tell me how to do them
You mean spam?
I can help but you’ll need to wire me $300k to start with.
How to trick people into thinking tofu could taste better than it already does:
- Put some water in a pot
- Add spices that make you say “mmm… That’s good!” (Eg. Soy sauce, garlic powder, fresh garlic, some sort of broth or bouillon cube, lemon juice, MSG if you’re nasty like me)
- Boil the water
- Add some corn starch so that she gets a little thickness
- Make your tofu cube into numerous smaller cubes
- Put that tofu into your bubbly broth
- Bring it back to a boil and keep it boiling for about 10-30 minutes—if the tofu starts to take on the color of the broth, you’re doing it right
- Get a pan or skillet and make it hot. 350° is good
- Add some cooking lube
- Use a strainer or whatever you got to move the tofu without the broth onto your hot oily skillet, pan, whatever
- Cook it for a few minutes on each side until they start to look brown and crispy
Eat them by themselves, make a sauce, put them in stir-fry or soup, whatever makes you happy.
When people taste it and tell you it’s the best tofu they’ve ever had or that it reminds them of mapo tofu, call them a fucking liar and threaten to make them eat more.
