this is the kind of quality post i come to hexbear to see, bravo

Might have to put a cork in it since it sounds like your sharting has just begun, just watch out, it may shoot out at the worst time since being a human champagne bottle is a bad time.

Keep your undies safely packed away in your drawers. That way, if you shart again they won’t get damaged.

Fix your diet

Put your underwear in a valuables safe, and leave it there. Do not bury (no soil), and don’t wear (not soiled).

If you eat enough beanis, you can transition your sharts back to farts. Remember that fiber and indigestible solids are your friend.

You are the victim of a curse, you must light the sacred doodoo candle and prepare to doo battle in the astral plane