I could use some advice or support.

My husband and I both have ADHD. We really struggle to keep up with cleaning our home. My parents weren’t great cleaners when I was a kid either, so I get stressed sometimes because I don’t know how to handle various things around our home.

My husband told me a couple weeks ago that his mom was over at our house, and she told him we “don’t deserve to be homeowners.” This comment really cut me to the core. I have a pretty good relationship with my MIL overall which is what makes it hurt that much worse. But she is an insanely clean person, and she really can’t stand any kind of mess. I try to remind myself of this, that her standards are really high. I keep hearing that comment in my head and I feel like a piece of shit.

I really want to clean up my house but I have so much shame around it that it’s so hard to motivate myself to do it. It’s not like I live in a hoarder house or anything… But my house is messy enough that I am embarrassed to have people over most or the time.

Just needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading.

  • Prewash_Required@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    81·
    10 months ago

    I know this is not possible for many and also not a long term solution, but are you able to pay someone to do some light cleaning regularly for you? Not talking about deep cleaning but maybe like dusting and vacuuming and mopping? Having that structure might help - you know the cleaners will be there at 11 am every second Wednesday, so the task becomes doing some tidying before they come instead of this insurmountable shame mountain of cleaning your house top to bottom. As for your callous (in this instance) MIL, you can rest assured that she doesn’t know what you’re going through. It’s up to you as to whether you believe she would have made that comment if she did know, and that should be the guidepost on how you go forward with her.

    • weeoooweeooo@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      7·
      10 months ago

      We’re on kind of a tight budget right now, but it’s something I’ve considered.

      I definitely feel like most baby boomers do not see neurodivergence or mental health challenges as legitimate. They don’t get how ADHD or depression or anxiety could cause someone to struggle so much with everyday tasks.