Oh, this isn’t The Onion?

Enligsh

b-b-b-but Rust is inherently safe!

How? Are they retroactively changing the license?

I don’t even understand what they were pretending that it was for.

That been the best part about my sober journey

I dunno, I found people on the West Coast would go out of their way to accommodate my wife when she was unable to walk.

You where?

cheap iPhone

LOL

And also the actors were made out of wood

Why? They can’t bilk their employees that way, and would cost money to implement.

Rest in peace

Based on how burnt that sausage looks, I believe you when you say it had been smoking.

These people literally cannot understand satire. Humor requires the ability to experience congitive dissonance.

Speak for yourself

Oh, no, that’s the dirtiest place of all.

The client didn’t peel off the protective plastic.

Nothing works until it’s been tested.

You misspelled “abduction”

The actor is a total kook