i’ve been running my own mailserver for about 10 years.
last time i’ve had to look at it was 2y ago (and that was because i was using quite strict blocklists, had 1 not ‘optimally configured’, and that one discontinued service, causing me to be forced to remove it from my list)
honestly, once it is running as you need it to, and you have all the regulars set up for your domain (dmarc/dkim/spf) it’s not all that much work.
blacklisting is pretty much a non-issue if you are using a decent provider (i.e. one that does not have 100 spammers on its network) and you are not spamming out yourself.
in 10 years i’ve had 1 or 2 blacklists - both from long before i was using dkim/dmarc/spf and also both due to the ip range (which was fairly straightforward to get my own ip out of the list)
self hosted mailserver here (on an old, dedicated vps)… just dovecot/postfix/mysql and the usual (amavis & spamassasin) - if i need to add/edit/delete users or domains, that’s just a bash script.
there’s lots of other options already mentioned, but you could also consider aws for this: you set your domain up with them (or verify it), set SES to forward inbound mails to wherever you want, and set your mailclient to send out through ses.
antispam & dkim/dmarc/spf included.