I’m in no position to give advice but i agree with fishlake, take your meds. You cannot make clear-headed decisions when you’re filled with anxiety. Life is difficult enough my friend.

You’re right. You will never start a revolution. A revolution starts with community.

It is good to have big dreams. Part of what makes surviving as a human being with aspirations in any society, capitalist or otherwise, so hard is coming to terms with the fact that life is largely random. Our lofty dreams will likely not materialize, not for lack of trying. But that’s ok. We have the capacity to keep dreaming both large and small.

To make any dreams achievable though, you have to care for yourself. Always put on your oxygen mask before helping others and all that. If the anxiety medication helps and your parents are willing to pay for it, then refill your prescription.

One thing at a time, comrade.

Doesn’t the software industry have a lot of WFH opportunities? So with location irrelevant, you can look around for those. And you don’t have to limit yourself to the US.

As a fellow Brazilian. Learn mandarin. https://youtu.be/e-UJq_zO7cY?t=25m33s I learned English 20 years ago for no reason in specific and it turned out to be really useful. I’m now learning mandarin and I think it’s a good approach to making a living in the medium term future.

As a fellow software engineer with 20 years of experience, working at an English speaking country. There’s nothing wrong with making a living fixing bugs in bank software, if that’s what you have to do. There’s a lot to be learned from veterans in the industry, and how to work as part of a team. That’s useful later when you decide to organise something yourself. But also, do work on side projects so that you can tune your brain on something else when you’re outside of work hours. Then you can explore your actual interests, including graphics drivers, firmware and FOSS.

The standards of living for skilled work are similar, if not better in Brazil, dollar for dollar. It’s really hard to compare, because of so many factors. But remember, big part of that difference is the US Dollar commercial/colonial dominance over Brazil, and the world. Technology items are supposed to be a luxury item out of the capitalist core. It would probably be useful to list down objectively what you see in the US, and then list things you’d miss from São Paulo, and region.

To be honest, if I went back to Brazil, I’d move to a smaller, poorer city, northeast, something. Somewhere I could contribute with the community and not live under the work rhythm of a big city.

I also, agree with another response that the perspective of a tourist and a person with a work routine is also much different, so, be careful with that bias as well.

Tenha cuidado para não levar o que você vê como turista como realidade do dia a dia das pessoas daquele lugar. É verdade que, em alguns aspectos, eles tem uma vida melhor que quem está aqui. Mas não se engane: a qualidade de vida das pessoas na América do Norte e Europa tem piorado nos últimos tempos. Você logicamente sabe disso. Se você ainda está na gringa vá em um mercado e veja o preço das coisas. Você pode se surpreender com o quanto eles pagam em leite por exemplo.

De toda forma, emigrar é um objetivo legal que tem ficado cada vez mais difícil, mesmo na situação atual de software bombando, é muito perigoso você emigrar na dependência de uma empresa fora continuar querendo te bancar com a situação econômica deteriorando como está. Digo isso porque uma conhecida minha muito competente largou o emprego aqui para ir para o Canadá empregada e, em menos de 6 meses, está desempregada lá.

Se eu puder fazer uma sugestão: trabalhar remoto para a gringa recebendo em dólar vai te dar um poder de compra desproporcional por aqui, supondo que home office seja algo que funciona para você.

PS: a maior parte do desenvolvimento de software é site e mobile :P

I’m kind of experiencing the same thing in Taiwan. I’m from Guatemala and have been involved with politics there for over ten years and while progress has been made at the local level, national level is showing to be consistently awful. I’ve lived in the US as well but Taiwan really blew me away. Every goal I wanted Guatemala to reach has already been met and surpassed by Taiwan. It’s cleaner and safer than any American city I’ve ever been in with a population that’s less bigoted too.

Part of me wants to leave the country and settle down here because it’s safer (minus the potential US proxy war) with a much better standard of living. But there’s another part of me that feels like I’m abandoning people I’ve fought for to selfishly satisfy my needs.

Your case is a little different though. You’re very young and still figuring things out. Do you choose to study in Delaware or NYC? I’ll just say that I lived in New York and you’re going to be struggling to meet those living standards if you’re choosing to stay in NYC. A number of taxi drivers I had were Brazilians with degrees. They weren’t enjoying the fruits of NYC’s standard of living.

You might find it more manageable in Delaware or parts of New York state outside of the city. The US is a little tricky for first-timers who want to move to the big cities and then find themselves struggling more than they were in their home countries. Choosing comparably smaller cities that still have job opportunities in your field is a better option, or you can choose to live in Jersey and commute to NYC if your heart is set on there in particular. A lot of people in Jersey do exactly that.

Please take your medication as well. Having high anxiety that isn’t regulated will cause you to make mistakes that you’ll regret in the long-term.

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