• Honytawk@lemmy.zip
    39·
    9 个月前

    The next table over, there is a very confused person who is still not engaged, wondering what happened to their plan.

    • toynbee@lemmy.world
      71·
      9 个月前

      I mean … As long as communication and intent are clear in both directions, being willing to get married isn’t a red flag. My now wife wanted to get married a long time before I did and made that clear. We are now happily married with a child and both happy with that development because she made sure I knew what she wanted and I only disagreed with the timeline.

      If this post is true, I’d say it’s a good thing, at least without any context. Now the poster knows that

      • if they do plan to propose, they don’t need to worry (which should be a prerequisite to any marriage proposal)
      • if they don’t plan to or hadn’t even considered proposal, they can start thinking about that
      • if they don’t want to get married at all, they can start discussing that with their girlfriend (and yes, get out of the relationship if their life goals aren’t compatible)
      • LemmynySnicket@lemmy.worldEnglish
        383·
        9 个月前

        Sir this is r/relationshipadvice, the only answer we can give is run, burn your life down, and fake your own death.

        • pivot_root@lemmy.world
          35·
          9 个月前

          My (32M) fiancee (30F) said yes to my proposal! How do I make sure the wedding planning goes smoothly?

          u/TwoBrainCells6969 — ↑ 51 — 3 hours ago
          She’s gaslightinf u, dump her

          u/ArmchairBoyfriend — ↑ 23 — 2 hours ago
          Are you sure you want to go through with this? It sounds like you’re having doubts already, and it doesn’t sound like you’re compatible in that case.

          u/Not2PervButt — ↑ 1 — 3 seconds ago
          DM pics of her? need to see b4 I can give dress ideas

      • intensely_human@lemm.ee
        51·
        9 个月前

        if they don’t plan to or hadn’t even considered proposal, they can start thinking about that

        And if they were expecting to organically come to this conclusion through shared experience, that’s off the table.

        • toynbee@lemmy.world
          6·
          9 个月前

          I wouldn’t say it’s lost. If the relationship has good communication, the poster can simply explain to their girlfriend what happened. Hopefully, this can then just be a funny story to tell, perhaps at their eventual potential wedding.

          The experience can be taken by those in the relationship to not mean anything other than that the girlfriend is not opposed to marriage. The poster can choose to not discuss their feelings on marriage, other than that this was unintentional and they’re not ready yet. Then the relationship can develop as it would normally.

          However, it’s true that a lot of what I’m suggesting depends on the details of OP’s relationship. Not knowing them, their situation, their relationship or their views on marriage, it is not impossible that this could cause problems.

          • exocrinous@startrek.websiteEnglish
            1·
            9 个月前

            Just say “That’s lot from me, that’s from Jose, the immigrant trapped in a sobe factory who is being enslaved by Pepsi Co under threat of deportation, and needs a marriage visa so he can pursue his dream of becoming a tailor. If you want to marry Jose, go ahead.”

        • Mesophar@lemm.ee
          2·
          9 个月前

          It very much sounds like the girlfriend had arrived at that point organically before they did, though. If she was able to say yes to the bottlecap so easily, and they hadn’t even put thought into it yet. So it sounds like coming to that point through shared experience was already off the table.

      • intensely_human@lemm.ee
        21·
        9 个月前

        It’s not about the girl being a red flag. It’s about the timing being screwed up, permanently and unfixably, and all the emotional tension that’s going to result.

        • exocrinous@startrek.websiteEnglish
          1·
          9 个月前

          Nah. If you love each other a proposal doesn’t matter in comparison. Healthy love is bigger than that. A proposal can be a big moment, but not as big as actually having a solid relationship. You can fix it. And if you do, one day you might be telling that story at the wedding and laughing about it.