sicko-wistful

  • CupcakeOfSpice [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    2 days ago
    CW suicidal thoughts, kind of a long rant

    I struggle some with this because when I was young, I was taught to weave together every aspect of who I was with the church, then essentially told every part that was me was evil and rotten while every part that was the church was perfect and unassailable. Trying to separate myself from the church or faith often felt like (and often added up to) suicide. So I’ve mever really been able to fully separate for those reasons, then add in a psychotic disorder with frequent religious delusions and I’m a mess. I believe in Jesus, but I try to keep away from the science denial and queer-phobia. (personally am trans, but that was a long and painful process of discovery) I also try to let other people believe what they believe. If faith is an opium to me, then I am direly addicted to it with no way out I can see. But I’m trying to still be a good human while believing in a faith that all too often oppresses and suppresses other folks, identities, faiths, and cultures.