My partner caught me. She was cool with it, which cracked the door open a bit. It still took a few years after that, but I got more comfortable being femme around her (still cis though).

Eventually it got to the point that I decided that I didn’t care if I was trans or not. I wanted the meds. I made the call, and I’ve been on them for years now, and legally changed my name. Absolutely no regrets. Still not really sure if I’m trans, but god is life so much better without dysphoria.

edit: My point is that I didn’t come to terms with it. Getting the meds was just a massive leap of faith. I cannot properly describe the level of fear and excitement that comes with taking your first dose. As someone who was approaching 40, I never dreamt that I would have gotten results as good as I have. I just wanted a few more curves and some boobs of my own. But I got a whole lot more than that.