I’m (19F by the way, not like 50) a bad texter. I can be not dry when I want to be, but usually I’m just not up for texting. I really don’t engage with my friends. (I’m asocial).
I don’t participate in their activities. I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are. I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.
When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.
Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.
One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”. IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.
Maybe you are a narcissist and maybe you aren’t, neither of us are actually qualified to make that call. A therapist that you see regularly would be, however. Now, while I say I’m not qualified to make that call, I will say that the shit you say is 100% the same shit a narcissist would.
Signs of narcissistic personality disorder include exaggerated sense of self-importance (“I will always be better than my friends”), lack of empathy (“I feel like I can treat them however I want without much remorse. In fact, I feel like most of the time, I’m right to treat people this way.”), and a tendency to exploit others (“I view people as more tools than anything”).
Everything you said that I quoted in my post above is a red flag for narcissism. I could’ve quoted a lot more than I did even, but I figured those would be enough to get the point across.
Now, as for your question about “can I have friends without socializing all the time,” maybe first you should ask yourself, “Do I actually want friends? Or do I just want more tools I can use?” Cuz I don’t believe that you actually want friends.
But regardless, whether it’s ADHD and depression, or narcissism, or some combination of all three, the answer remains the same. You need to find a therapist, and you need to do the work. Work on becoming a decent human who actually cares about other people, aside from how they can benefit you, and having friends will liekly follow.