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“Good” and “bad” aren’t very useful here.

A friend who does not engage in any way is simply not a friend. They don’t become an enemy or whatever: they just drift away until they are simply a person you know.

To be a friend means to engage. It doesn’t have to be texting, though that is now a dominant communication medium and not some fringe thing anymore that people can just wave away as a modern fad.

You can engage in person. You can engage by talking on the phone. You can engage by playing games together. But to not engage at all… it makes me wonder what you think friendship is.

I am “like 50” and I no longer think of friends as “people who are on my side” or “people who know the real me” because all of that can be true even if you haven’t talked in 5 years. If that’s all you want, for someone on earth to be on your side, theoretically, then you’re good.

But that’s not friendship: you have to engage. If you don’t, you will find that you miss out in growth and change in their lives, and after a very short while, they don’t “know the real you” anymore and you don’t know the real them.

Life is to be lived. It’s a thing you do.

I know they will be there for me when I need it

Here’s the thing, relationships take work. Not just marriages or romantic ones, they all take work. Effort needs to be made by both parties, or else the relationship will die. I had a friend that affectionately called it “friend work,” where they would spend a bit of time each day putting in the effort needed to maintain a healthy friendship, because if she didn’t, then the relationship would suffer for it.

Not wanting to engage in the world right now is very common, and downright reasonable considering the general state of things. If a relationship you have with someone is mentally stressing you, or sapping your energy, consider whether or not that relationship is valuable to you, and act accordingly. If the relationship is important to you, and you want it to continue or grow, then you have to put effort into it. If the relationship is one-sided, and feels draining, and you want it to end, then put forth zero effort into it, and it will naturally go away.

OP at 29:

I don’t have any friends and it is so hard to make them as adult.

It seems like you don’t put any effort in the friendship, and expect that your friends “will be there for you”. That’s selfish.

Oh, I remember you, I’ve seen a couple threads from you over the past couple days. So, let’s recap a few of the things I’ve seen you say.

I view people as more tools than anything

They also say I’m a bad sport for calling them useless pieces of crap all the time

I remember one time someone stole the ball from my friend so I called my friend helpless and useless.

When I see someone being useless, I call them out for it. I will always be better than my friends

When something I do is considered “wrong” or “bad”, I genuinely don’t consider it morally wrong at all. I only know it’s wrong because someone told me it is, and if their telling me that doesn’t benefit me in some way, I tend to blame them and see them as acting irrationally.

I call my friends useless and horrible, and I really have no guilt/remorse or sympathy about that. I feel like I can treat them however I want without much remorse. In fact, I feel like most of the time, I’m right to treat people this way.

I want to maintain a good public image, so i say people should be kind and that bullying is wrong, because it’s been done to me amend doesn’t feel good. But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about how other people feel if it doesn’t impact me.

I believe I can feel remorse sometimes, such as if they do something that isn’t benefitting me

That last one really cracks me up. You only feel remorse when someone else does something that doesn’t benefit you. That’s not how remorse works. Remorse is felt when you yourself have done something wrong and are ashamed of it. But based on the things you’ve said, you don’t ever really feel bad about your own actions, maybe at the most giving it a “yeah, I know people say this is wrong”, but it doesn’t look like you ever actually feel it. A lot of what you say reads as the most narcissistic shit I’ve ever seen in my life.

So to answer your question for this thread. Yes. You are a bad friend. Get therapy. Seriously.

Or don’t, and I’m sure you’ll have no friends at all soon enough. But I’m sure you’ll be able to rationalize that as being their fault anyway, so don’t worry, you won’t even have to feel any sort of remorse!

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it

I have someone I used to be friends with. I’d text her while watching wrestling, and she’d reply.

Then her replies got shorter and shorter. I’d write a paragraph, and she’d write “Yeah lol”. Eventually she just stopped replying. Eventually I just stopped texting.

This past Christmas I got a text from her that was clearly mass texted. It was just a “Merry Christmas” thing.

I looked at it, and realized we hadn’t talked at all in almost 2 years. Why is she texting me this? Do I reply? Is she trying to reopen communication? Then I realized she probably clicked “select all” in her contacts list, and I just happened to still be in there. I didn’t reply.

When you don’t commicate, you send the message that you don’t want to communicate. I have a rule about friends. If I’m ALWAYS the one starting the conversation, then you clearly don’t care about me. And I stop caring about you over time.

It’s not that your friends are drifting apart from you. It’s that you’re pushing them away from you. If I asked a friend if they wanted to come out on whatever event to hang out, and they just bluntly and coldly said “No.”, I would take that as an insult. Like, oh, ok. You don’t enjoy my company. Fine then. I’ll go without you.

And at some point, you push everybody away. Then you wake up one day at 30 years old, and realize you need new friends. Except 30 year olds aren’t out there trying to make friends. And it gets harder and harder progressively as the years go by to make new friends.

So yeah. I totally see you as being at fault here.

Instead of saying “No.” just say “No, I need some recharge time.” At least then it’s about you taking care of your own mental health, and not just “Do I want to hang out with YOU? No!”

See, that moves it away from them being the problem, and lets them understand you just need some alone time. Always remember, every relationship always has at least two sides. You are not the main character in a story.

I would expect that if you continue this, your friends will disengage as well. and no, they will not be there for you if you need it.

To answer your title? Yes. Aggressively so.

I don’t participate in their activities.

That’s fine. There are plenty of friends I don’t share the same activities with.

I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are.

One of the core things about being a friend with someone is getting to know them. That means their emotional state and their general interests. If you don’t show any interest in them, why would or should they show any interest in you? It’s a wasted investment.

I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.

I mean that’s fine. It’s everything else that’s extremely problematic.

When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.

Your friend reached out to say that they thought of you in a moment when they had no real reason to. They’re saying that because they care and want to demonstrate that. By ignoring that, you are telling them that you don’t care about whether or not they are interested in you. Whether you mean that is something else but that is the story you are telling them.

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this

Oh they 100% are. No one is going to stay in a one sided relationship for long because it’s a waste of their effort. They care and be emotionally open but get nothing in return except pain. By you not engaging with them when they try to engage with you, that comes off as you having zero interest in them. They’re going to start questioning why they keep talking to you when you don’t talk back. They are going to eventually come to the conclusion that you are not demonstrating any interest in them because you just simply are not interested in them. They will stop talking to you entirely and any memories they’ve had of you will become tarnished in their mind as a one-sided friendship.

but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it

You are making an insane gamble here that will not pay off. Why would they ever be there for you? You were never there for them. You didn’t share in the small joys of life that they tried to share with you, why would they want to share in your miseries? They will only see you as a source of negative emotion. They will see you as sucking up their positive vibes towards you and showering them in negative emotion as they get nothing in return. Then they’ll feel used as you only talk to them when you need something from them. They will see you using them for an emotional cushion and realize that the only thing they are to you is a crutch. When they make that realization, they will leave you and never look back.

and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.

So are most people but we make time and effort for our friends.

One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”.

I can guarantee you that you hurt the hell of their feelings. Whether or not they said it? They were pretty upset. They offered to spend time with you because they like you and wanted to share in that. Asked if you’d like to spend time with them for the same reason and you rejected it. They aren’t going to know the reason unless you said it so they’re just going to invent a reason. With all of your other behaviors? They’re going to assume that you don’t like them at all and stop trying.

IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest

No, you’re being a dick. Being honest is telling the truth but that does not mean being aggressively blunt. That does not mean phrasing it in such a way as to hurt someone else or to be emotionally painful. You could have said no in a thousand different ways that would have been just as truthful while also not as hurtful.

and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.

Then you better not be surprised when no one wants to engage with you.

Yes, I feel pretty confident in saying that in this case you are the problem. I have sympathy for antisocial behaviour as I’m that way myself too but you seem just straight up rude if not even mean.

because I know they will be there for me when I need it

I wouldn’t count on it.

If you’re not interested in talking to them or spending time with them, why do you call them friends?

Relationships and conversations require both sides to put in effort, or else they die.

You say you know that they will be there when you need it, but are you sure? It doesn’t sound like you’re giving them what they need.

Sounds like depression to me. Tired and bored all the time are quite classic signs of it. Maybe try and seek some help while you are still young? Before letting it manifest into something bigger

When you say friends, what do you think friends are? It sounds like you’re not engaging or taking an interest at all. They sound like acquaintances, people you know. Not friends.

I responded to the last time you posted this, that yes you are. I would just stop responding to you. If you don’t want to engage then why respond at all? You can type out this long post but only one worded replies?