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THOUSAND OAKS, CA—Oblivious to the unforgiving judgments being passed on him every single day, local 2-year-old Caleb Gibson is completely unaware that he is the sole basis for six couples’ decisions not to have kids, sources said Friday. According to reports, the toddler has thus far failed to recognize that his temper tantrums and messy eating habits have motivated several of his mother’s friends, as well as a couple who were eating near Gibson’s family at a restaurant, to go their entire lives without ever raising children of their own. Gibson also reportedly remains wholly ignorant of the fact that his behavior this past Christmas, which included shrieking for 10 straight minutes after not getting a cookie, was directly responsible for his aunt and uncle’s choice to never procreate, or that stories about staying up all night to take care of him are why one of his father’s coworkers and her husband determined that they would be fine with just a dog. Sources also revealed that Gibson is unaware that he is the reason his own parents have decided not to have more children.
obvious inevitable exceptions aside, i’m pretty sure it can be boiled down to “don’t reward them for being a shithead, don’t raise your voice needlessly, and don’t punish them per se (like, don’t go out of your way to make them feel bad, just let them fuck about and find out. They have a tantrum and break a toy or device? yeah tough shit buddy, you’ll get a new one but only after you’ve had some time to ruminate on how this happened.)”