Sorry to then vanish back in to lurking for a couple of months. I’m still wanting to love Lemmy, but things are still slow enough that my typical 95% consumption model of reddit-like sites means I get bored faster, no matter how much more interesting the people are here…

I have literally never understood my interest in chastity… I read about it sometime in the late 90’s, mostly from Tammad, and something clicked. I needed to try it. I needed to be actively denied. Ironically I was still in the height of my slutting around days then. It’s never been a humiliation/degradation thing - nmk - and I’ve yet to be in a real D/s-y relationship where I’m s-ing.

There’s mild Ds with my keyholder, but tbh she’s mostly doing it - and doing it well beyond any reasonable expectations! - at my behest. As much as I (sort of) want to believe that she’d reject the request if I said I was done with all of this, I truly doubt we’d even explore that CnC road - though I’ve basically ok’d any given instance of such that she may be interested in and we could talk it out later.

It’s been about 10 years that I really started getting serious - when I told her what I wanted to - and about 6 since I’ve been basically full-time… and I feel like a recent trip where I messed up and left home without a cage for a week(!!) has shown me that I’d prefer not to go back to the old ways. Being locked feels more right. As does the restricted hard-on I’m attempting to get while typing this all up.

All that said, yes I absolutely still top, though not nearly as much as I’d LIKE TO BE. I’ve yet to find a bottom that’s also in to denial of this sort, sadly, but going after the “You’re done coming when I SAY you’re done” is almost as satisfying. I’ve just taken (bio)PiV(or A) off the table as something I’ll do with a partner. Most people have been ok with this. One wasn’t, and I’m a bit sad about it, but I survive.

I might go make this a top-level post someplace…