Outside of the disc golf scene, I’m in a pretty left-leaning area, but the thought of going out to play a round alone in girl mode scares the shit out of me. Ironically, playing disc golf alone was one of the things that helped me sort out my thoughts and accept my gender id, but even in boy mode I just get this overwhelming anxiety now. Particularly when locals/other golfers approach me on the course— the culture reminds me a lot of skate culture, but with older people and more bro-y misogynist talk (constantly talking about how much they love pussy and want to fuck).
I don’t even give a shit about tournaments (fuck the PGDA though) I just want to throw discs. I don’t really know if my fear is justified, but the tenor of the conversation around trans athletes online makes me feel super unsafe.
do you have any friends you can go with? having someone familiar with you might make the experience more relaxing, and would likely help you get used to the environment. after that, it’d probably be easier to go on your own.
things to note here, i am not particularly experienced in this area-- this just worked for me and another friend when we were scared to go to the gym
Lately I’ve been playing with a friend— that definitely helps! I guess I just miss the freedom of playing spontaneously or really zoning out during a round. I was thinking about carrying pepper spray or something but I’m worried about escalating.
damn, i really hope you find a solution that works for you. going from being worried to being able to zone out is not an easy task