• jeffw@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I had multiple relationships from online dating, probably almost half of the women I dated I met online. I met my wife online.

    The fact that you refer to men as men and women and girls probably says something about you though.

    Edit: and no, I’m not attractive

    • KingOP
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      1 year ago

      I am not a native english speaker.

      I don’t know why people assume here that everyone here is American.

  • TheFeatureCreature@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Not impossible; most just are looking in the wrong places.

    Finding people online works exactly the same as it does offline - you meet people in places of mutual interest or activity. Just like how IRL you would meet people in a local coffee shop or community space, you do the same online too. One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking the answer to this problem is a dating app which are literally designed to keep you hooked while making sure you don’t get what you’re looking for.

    • KingOP
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      1 year ago

      How exactly did you do it?

      • OmenAtom@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I posted online about my interests and made it explicitly clear I was looking for someone long term that enjoyed those hobbies.

        • KingOP
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          1 year ago

          I mean you posted where and when?

          • OmenAtom@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            We met on Yik yak like 8 years ago, the site got taken down cuz people used it for crimes sadly. Ive had some luck with dating sites, but again you have to want more than just sex from them otherwise they probably wont want to be around you.

      • AHorseWithNoNeigh@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        1 year ago

        Find common interests. I found a chat server that reflected a social interest for myself and joined. Met a group of people that were fantastic and met them through that. Results may vary though as this was in 2020.

        My advice is don’t look to date but to find a connection through other means and / or interests. IMO, people who focus on “dating” often don’t express themselves which is what most people use to ask: “Is this person a friend or foe?”.

        • loobkoob@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          My advice is don’t look to date

          I think, even if you have the long-term intention of finding someone to date, this is the best approach. Not only does it mean you totally avoid coming off as desperate, but I think if you’re actively looking to date then it can result in you holding them to ideals or standards they’re not looking to or necessarily able to meet. And it can limit the connections you can form - both people to date and just new friendships - because you find yourself dismissing people who don’t meet your pre-established idea of what you’re looking for.

          The fewer expectations you can place on someone, the more chance you have of forming a connection.

  • carbrewr84@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I met my late wife on Match.com in 2011 and we had a wonderful marriage. After she had passed away, I took some time to myself, but when I started dating again, I tried a variety of sites.

    Hinge, bumble, tinder, and match all got me dates, but I eventually met my now girlfriend on match. We’ve been together over a year now and marriage is in the future at some point, we’re just not in a rush.

    It’s worked for me twice now, so I think saying it’s impossible isn’t necessarily true. A lot depends on your location, interests, etc, but if you keep at it, you’re likely to find someone eventually.

    Perhaps post your online profiles, or portions of it, to some dating advice magazines and get some feedback. Without more information, we can’t know why it’s not working out for you in particular, but regardless best of luck out there!

  • Kalash@feddit.ch
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    1 year ago

    Certainly improbable, but it does sometimes happen. I know two guys that got married to someone they met playing World of Warcraft.

  • Num10ck@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    improbable for many, sure.
    ‘girls’ and ‘men’ and ‘to have a relationship’ are all polynomials.

  • amio@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    It’s clearly not impossible since any number of people do that every day. I’ll grant you it’s frequently an exhausting, somewhat dehumanizing, lopsided chore to deal with, relentlessly shittified by profiteering assholes with conflicts of interest, though.

  • Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    1 year ago

    really? I’ve managed it a few times and it honestly wasn’t all that hard. I moved one of them in with me for a bit due to an extreme life situation they were going through.

        • ArumiOrnaught@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          If you’re unattractive all you need to do is be a decent person. Not a “nice guy”, but someone who brings something to the relationship. If all you’re seeking is a fuck maid, then you better be rich. If you want an actual relationship then become someone that someone would date. It really isn’t a hard concept, billions of people have done it. The person I’m with dated models before me.

          If you can’t even put in the bare minimum in a relationship, then you don’t deserve one.

  • KISSmyOS@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I thought I had found one, but then she fucked her ex 15 minutes after she had told me how much she liked me on the phone, and afterwards wanted to cry on my shoulder about how messed up the situation is.

    • KingOP
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      1 year ago

      What is that supposed to mean?

      • brandon@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Phrasing matters. Men are adults girls are children. That may not be your intention but try to be mindful in how you interact with others and you may have more success with relationships.

        • KingOP
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          1 year ago

          Thanks for the heads up, fixed it.

        • NoIWontPickaName@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          And yet no one has a problem with “What’s up boys?” or “Going to hang out with the girls.”

          Maybe you guys should just stop looking for things to get offended by.

          • brandon@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            You’re free to refer to your friends however you like, that’s the business of you and your friends.

            Referring to “men” and subsequently “girls” in a general sense is very much a patriarchal view, implies women are inferior, and generally not respectful. I’m sure that’s not what was intended but it’s those sort of things that can rub people the wrong way, especially as a first impression.

            • jeffw@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              Even if it’s not the intent, it’s still reflective of the underlying issue you’re getting at

      • Nougat@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        Talking about men wanting to have “relationships” with girls carries the connotation that the men are much older, to the point of being creepy, or even that the girls are underage.

      • BolexForSoup@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        Boys date girls.

        Men date women.

        Men should not date girls.

        Women should not date boys.

        Edit: heteronormative description. Obviously the combinations are more varied than that.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    If women can get dates with men online, then men are getting dates online.

    But it doesn’t really matter what other people’s experience is, or what is possible. If you aren’t having a good experience, go out in the world, meet people, make friends, you meet people who know other people, you’ll find someone compatible but also make friends not just one romantic partner.