• tabris@lemmy.world
    1421·
    10 months ago

    I used to work in a new age shop that sold rock salt lamps. A woman came in one time to complain about the lamp she bought.

    Woman: My salt lamp was dusty and dirty.

    Me: Okay…

    W: So I took the rock salt off the base.

    Me: Hmm?

    W: And I washed it with hot soapy water.

    Me: Ah.

    W: And it just dissolved!

    Me: Yep, it’s salt.

    W: I want a refund.

    Me: laughs.

  • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    571·
    9 months ago

    my ass is installing linux on the first machine capable of having linux installed on it.

    You are not safe, there is nothing you can do to stop me.

    • bort@feddit.de
      21·
      10 months ago

      are you sure you don’t want to share an indirect kiss with all her past tinder dates?

    • tourist@lemmy.world
      132·
      10 months ago

      Same. That lamp has absolutely been licked before. You don’t know by whom and you don’t know how recently. If you’re at least a tiny bit of a germaphobe, those statements should frighten you.

      • BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee
        22·
        10 months ago

        The high salinity should take care of any bacteria in short order. It may not be clean, but there ain’t no bacteria on it!

      • bort@feddit.de
        10·
        10 months ago

        tiny bit of a germaphobe

        iirc salt is a has antimicrobial properties. So if anything, then licking that salt, will reduce the germs in your mouth. So a true germaphobe would be all over that lamp

      • 1rre@discuss.tchncs.de
        8·
        10 months ago

        If you’re a germaphobe then surely you should know that 100% salt is enough to yeet literally any microorganism to the back of beyond; in fact anything over 30% is

        That lamp is more hygienic than your dinner plate, more than the inside of any food package and infinitely more than your hands even after you’ve just washed them

          • 1rre@discuss.tchncs.de
            2·
            9 months ago

            Yeah agreed that while you’re more than likely not gonna get sick from it unless you have an allergic reaction of some sort, it’s still probably dusty as those things are a nightmare to clean and so not a pleasant lick

          • Tar_Alcaran@sh.itjust.works
            1·
            9 months ago

            If it’s rooted in rational thought, it’s not a phobia.

            I’m afraid of hungry bears in the woods. That’s not a phobia. But constantly checking your 17th floor balcony for hungry bears is.

            • UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works
              1·
              9 months ago

              The way I heard it is if your fear keeps you from doing “normal” activities, then it might be a phobia. Like if you won’t go for a walk on a trail because you might see a snake

  • Oiconomia@feddit.de
    5·
    9 months ago

    Protip: If they have a lava lamp instead, you can take the lava lamp bottle out, unscrew the bottle cap and drink some lava lamp fluid.

    • Hedoking@lemmy.world
      2·
      9 months ago

      My stepbrother did this once. He kept saying his throat was dry and we found the empty lamp a week later. After rushing him to the hospital to treat his near-fatal injuries, we were saying our goodbyes only two months later…

      “Can I get you any thing?”, my heartbroken mother said as she stepped into the room.

      “Yeah… I’d lava another lamp…”

      Thoroughly disgusted, the rest of our family shuffled out of the room muttering bye. I stayed, as I could take a joke. Suddenly, a monstrous shart leaked out of his ass. “Oh God!!! NURSE” I screamed frantically. “Good Lord,” she gasped while grasping several bedpans. “He should be dead!” “Auuughooohyeh” My stepbro moaned. I looked on in horror as the red ass ham began to burn away and melt his gown and the now 30ish bedpans lining the walls. The poop accelerates. “Somebody get Dr. Kruger!!!” The many nurses exclaimed. At this point they were frantically shoveling shit out the window as I desperately tried not to get burned. After around 10 minutes, Dr. Kruger arrived. “GREAT HEAVENS!!! We’ll need Kevin for this.” He waded into the dookie and tossed my stepbrother into pit dug into ground. The poop accelerates. Suddenly, a wiry, greasy, crazed looking man appeared at the door. At this point, the floor was disintegrating, so he leaped over the many holes and started devouring the kaka. “HOLY HELL,” I shouted in surprise. “Actual Zombie” I began to lose feeling in my legs. However, Kevin vrrmed like a anteater and sucked that shit up harder than 10 year old me getting hit by a Ferrari! Kevin leaped out of the room and slurped up all the poo poo in the ditch. But… something was wrong. The poop accelerates. Kevin didn’t stop. Kevin crawled into my stepbrothers anus and licked it clean. Before he could reach his colon, somebody said “call the exorcist!” and the Poope himself came down from the heavens and uttered three holy words…

      “no u”

      Kevin’s body is forcibly expelled from my stepbrothers colon and writhes in pain. He began to slowly and excruciatingly crawl into his own anus. The legion of nurses surrounding him pick him up and toss him- no it, into a coffin. My stepbrother staggered to his feet and exclaimed “What a nice shit! I feel great now!” and left. Fortunately we live in Europe so we didn’t have to pay for anything. All the feeling returned to my legs, my stepbrother is taking care of his 13 kids, and Kevin is probably chilling in some SCP containment unit somewhere. Good times!

  • Mr_Blott@lemmy.world
    934·
    10 months ago

    Right I’m confused.

    You’re in the bedroom but they go to the restroom

    Which fucking one are they in?

      • Mr_Blott@lemmy.world
        29·
        10 months ago

        You don’t live in your kitchen

        You don’t rest in your toilet

        Unless, like I say, throwing a whitey

        • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
          10·
          10 months ago

          oh I finally get what you’re saying. You’re taking issue with calling that room “rest” room instead of “toilet”

          but seeing as “toilet” literally means “a small piece of cloth” - if we’re going to go down that path, why are you calling both the room and it’s commode a piece of cloth?

        • Fudoshin ️🏳️‍🌈@feddit.uk
          3·
          9 months ago

          Oooooh it’s just Americans with their funny words for things.

          Obviously they mean lavatory, toilet, loo, shitter, bog, water closet, facilities, tile palace, WC, khazi, ceramic throne of dreams, privy, latrine, etc.

            • GiveMemes@jlai.lu
              7·
              10 months ago

              The Middle French word ‘toile’ (“cloth”) had a diminutive form: ‘toilette’, or “small piece of cloth.” This word became ‘toilet’ in English, and referred to a cloth put over the shoulders while dressing the hair or shaving.

              Got em

              • harry_balzac@lemmy.world
                1·
                10 months ago

                It’s where I rest my brain from the stupid at work. Being able to sit on a nasty commode with my nethers exposed is a bonus.

      • Mr_Blott@lemmy.world
        48·
        10 months ago

        I’ve never seen anyone rest on a toilet

        Wait, no, I have done while throwin a whitey

        • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
          2·
          9 months ago

          It’s restful because you’re not watching… At least without a consent higher than “let’s have sex”

    • Chaos@lemmy.world
      2·
      9 months ago

      There are many reasons toilets are called the restroom dated back in history. However these days it’s mostly just considered a polite way of taking care of one’s business, without projecting to a partner that you may be taking a massive duce.

    • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      1·
      9 months ago

      are you not familiar with houses having attached bathrooms in the master bedroom?

      Its a thing here in NA for suburban homes, and for houses in europe to some degree im guessing.