• partial_accumen@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    Man, I must have missed that day in Sunday School when they taught that Jesus cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then used money from his carpentry business to have his lawyer cover it up so he wouldn’t lose credit when running for the office of Roman prefect.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Don’t forget the time Jesus told his disciples that when you’re rich, women let you grab them by the pussy.

    • jaybone@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      They might argue Jesus had sex with a prostitute.

      Tbough I imagine they would need some special type of cross to crucify Trump. I don’t think his body weight could be supported by nails through his hands or wrists.

      He would immediately fall to the ground, tearing his wrists and breaking his legs.

      The Roman soldiers could dip the sponges in Diet Coke, and wouldn’t need a stick to raise it to him. But it would be pretty gruesome.

      They could give him one of those kids crowns you used to get from Burger King. Instead of INRI it could read IMXXL.

      Then they roll him into a cave and three days later he is lifted into heaven by a Chinese spy balloon.

    • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works
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      4 months ago

      What about the time when Jesus was feeling a little threatened by John the Baptist’s popularity so he started chanting “Lock him up! Lock him up!” I believe that was during the Sermon on the Golden Stairs.

      Only for John to be relentlessly investigated by the GOP beheaded by Herodias for no good reason.

  • Suzune@ani.social
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    4 months ago

    Is she really Christian? Because she violated at least three commandments in one sentence.

    • mrgreyeyes@feddit.nl
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      4 months ago

      If you can turn water into wine, you will be making a decent profit. Why do you think the Roman government wanted to get rid of him?

      It’s just history repeating.

      • masquenox@lemmy.world
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        4 months ago

        That’s the comedy skit we deserve… ancient Big Fish and Big Bread getting all hysterial because “some guy” was giving the stuff out for free.

        • mrgreyeyes@feddit.nl
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          4 months ago

          Don’t forget that his mommy invented spinning the news with her “immaculate conception” story. Having three “wise” men over checking if they were the father.

      • FuglyDuck@lemmy.world
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        4 months ago

        The disciples, many were fairly wealthy. Even the fishermen were successful enough to manage and maintain boats (and the labor to handle them). The idea that the disciples were poor is a bit errant.

    • Avid Amoeba@lemmy.ca
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      4 months ago

      That would be a great counterexample to the anti-zionism == anti-semitism law. Zionist and anti-semitic 🔥🤯

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Sigh, one of these days we’ll place the blame where it really belongs. On the Italians. Who told people to blame the Jews for Jesus? That’s right the Roman Catholic Church.

      It’s not like we’re going to start coming to agreement that religious leaders are prone to corruption regardless of what religion it is, and that this is especially true in tumultuous times and places like Roman Judea in the early Julian Dynasty.

  • Worx@lemmynsfw.com
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    4 months ago

    I came into this thread thinking, “huh, I thought MTG liked Trump”. It literally didn’t occur to me that she wasn’t making fun of him. How can you possibly call Trump a convicted felon, compare him to the perfect son of God, and still think you’re a serious person? It’s insane

    • BearGun@ttrpg.network
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      4 months ago

      Just one objection: Jesus wasn’t perfect, that was kinda a big part of him being born human. He had doubts and, iirc, made mistakes, even according to the bible.

      • Worx@lemmynsfw.com
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        4 months ago

        Your knowledge of the Bible is different to mine. I was taught that Jesus lived a perfect life then died as a sacrifice, in exchange for the perfect life that Adam squandered. (Eve doesn’t count because she’s a woman, or something)

        EDIT: either way, it’s not something I believe to be true any more

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Modern Day Donald Trump: Doesn’t pay contractors

      Historical Sexy Gay Jesus: Stiffs other carpenters

      You’re falling victim to a translation error.

      • ameancow@lemmy.world
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        4 months ago

        When I worked as operations manager in a contracting company we had an installer named Jesus. He was a young guy, illegal immigrant trying to support his family back home.

        I was gonna tell a funny anecdote about how he smoked a joint on lunch break and ended up installing a door backwards and trapped an old lady in her house, but then I remembered that my boss would hire illegals like him because he could get away with paying them far below minimum wage and fire them for any passing mood he had, he delighted in punishing struggling people and didn’t view them as human. I, the only white guy working with them and I started there counting screws and doing all the same shit work they did, learned a lot of really funny or vulgar spanish, I got to know them all as people and made friends and I wonder even nearly 20 years later what happened to some of them.

        Jesus was deported when my boss called a “tip” into immigration services because he thought Jesus was lazy. Jesus was 19, it was not only his first job, it was his first job in a foreign country surrounded by people he doesn’t know, living alone, no education or legal protection. He needed help, not cruelty.

        So yeah, when people say “Jesus was treated unfairly” I always nod in agreement.

    • CptEnder@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Most people shit themselves when they die, but Trump comes pre-shitted apparently. So that diaper gonna be FILLED.

      • TexasDrunk@lemmy.world
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        4 months ago

        To be fair, Trump also hangs out with prostitutes. The difference there is how the prostitutes were treated.

        He does have a lot in common with Paul though. Asshole, telling people what to do while not giving a shit what Jesus said, hating homosexuals, and telling people how pious he is. Oh, and Republicans also care more about what he has to say than what Jesus said.

  • mindlight@lemm.ee
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    4 months ago

    I’m pretty sure Stormy Daniels did a lot of things with Trump, but washing his feet with her tears was not one of the things she did when his wife was pregnant.

  • PancakeBrock@lemmy.zip
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    4 months ago

    Am I the only one who sees her name and thinks “why is magic the gathering saying political stuff?”

    • jeffw@lemmy.worldOPM
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      4 months ago

      I have had at least one other comment like that on a Lemmy post, so no. Unless that was you lol

      • PancakeBrock@lemmy.zip
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        4 months ago

        Hahaha wasn’t me but every time that’s the first thing I think. I don’t really even play MTG. Randomly dabbled on and off for years.

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    4 months ago

    Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them? It was like his main thing or whatever. She’s right. No wonder they worship Donnie.

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them?

      Famously tricked an entire wedding party into thinking a jug of water was delicious wine. Pushed quack medicine to “resurrect” fellow con-man Lazarus of Bethany and treat mental illness by herding a pack of 30-50 wild hogs off a cliff. Trashed an entire temple to clear a bad loan to some money changers. Pretended to get crucified and then slipped off three days later, after his buddy Judas Iscariot had absconded with 30 pieces of silver.

      “Don’t worry guys! I’ll be back any day now!” Hasn’t been seen in over 2000 years.

      • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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        4 months ago

        Check out a book called, The Passover Plot. I read it this year and loved it. The author posits that Jesus was extremely clever in engineering his role as the messiah and it all went wrong when he was stabbed by a Roman centurion. Very good read.

  • UnfortunateShort@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    You know, comparing people to God is basically blasphemy already. Not that I trust people who genuinely support Trump to understand anything about their own religion - or anything really.

  • Dave V@midwest.social
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    4 months ago

    The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Turning things around, I don’t think Jesus is just like Trump.

        • masquenox@lemmy.world
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          4 months ago

          Not really… there was no such thing as “white” back then - which mean no “people of colour,” either.

          He would definitely be classified as such according to the totally rational race caste system we can’t seem to exist without today.

          • dogslayeggs@lemmy.world
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            4 months ago

            Wait, are you trying to say that northern Europeans didn’t exist 2000 years ago? Or are you trying to say that people back then didn’t discriminate based on skin color?

            • masquenox@lemmy.world
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              4 months ago

              that northern Europeans didn’t exist 2000 years ago?

              “White” is an invented thing - and a pretty recent one, too. There is no such thing as a “white” race - not today, nor 2000 years ago. It only exists in the head of a person that has been taught to see the world through the lens of white supremacism - ie, “scientific racism” - which we are almost all subjected to from birth no matter our (supposed) “race.”