• miz [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    17·
    2 months ago

    Okay so like, this family, a father, mom and daughter, move into their grandma’s empty house, and discover that the Dad’s weird Brother has been camping out there. It’s established in a flash back that the Brother hooked up with the Mom right before she married the Dad and she’s still kinda horny for him. Also the Brother was some kind of super crazy sex pervert who did so much sex pervert stuff that he felt he had exhausted all the pleasures the Earth had to offer and so bought some kind of demonic Rubik’s cube from some dude cuz he heard a legend that if you solve it you gain access to some other dimension of pure pleasure. So he takes it to his grandma’s house and solves it and it turns out it summons some fucked up torture demons who come from a dimension where pain and pleasure are the same thing so they just take him and torture him a bunch, but he sorta gets into it a bit, kinda. Also like he can’t die so they just like torture him till he’s a big pile of living viscera.

    Anyway back in the present, the Dad accidentally spills some blood on the floor of of the room his Brother summoned the demons in and that allows the Brother to come back from the demon world, but he’s still a living pile of guts. He is able to talk to his horny sister-in-law though and tells her he can become a normal dude again if he can drink a bunch of blood so she goes out and picks up dudes at bars and brings them back so the gross guts guy can eat them and become less gross. The daughter finds out about this and freaks the fuck out, steals the Rubik’s cube and runs away, but passes out from how freaky it all is.

    She wakes up in the hospital and solves the Rubik’s cube and the demons show up and are like “sweet we can torture you till you’re kinda into it” and she’s like “I think you want my pervy uncle” and they’re like “sure help us find him and we’ll just torture him forever and he’ll kinda be into it”. So like she goes back home and her Dad’s been killed by her sex pervert uncle but now he’s wearing her Dad’s skin and she summons the demons who they take both her perv Uncle and Mom away to torture land and she runs away and tries to throw the Rubik’s cube away, but some weird hobo who’s been in the background of the movie the whole time shows up and grabs it, turns into a flying demon, and brings it back to the merchant dude who gave it to the sex pervert Uncle guy in the first place and then he gives it to some other sex pervert guy.

    The End.

  • Findom_DeLuise [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    2 months ago

    That right there? That holds the heart of Lorkhan. You’re going to need to whip up some Dwemer blood to get it open. If you can’t find any, a mixture of Altmer, Bosmer, Dunmer, Falmer, and Orsimer blood will do the trick.

    • frauddogg [they/them, null/void]@hexbear.netEnglish
      4·
      2 months ago

      No, no, that holds the Heart of Sabik. It is the Weapon’s core─an enigma whose surface even the vaunted scholars of ancient Allag failed to scratch. The magic within has lain dormant for eons.