…loaded my $15000 AR-15, bought some Dude Wipes, put on my Blu-ray collection of Clint Eastwood movies, told everyone I came across that I wasn’t gay, stifled all emotion, had my wife make a sandwich and raise my kids, told my black neighbor he was “one of the good ones”, shared videos of dead Palestinians, put on my “Mission Accomplished” bumper sticker from 2003, turned on my Joe Rogan podcast, clocked out at the racism factory, and drove to the polls here in Whitesville Texas. Brought my wife and kids too. We understood the assignment. We were adulting. We did a democracy. Donald is right behind me isn’t he?
Fell out of bed from a 7 day bender, threw on my finest sweatpants and buldak ramen-stained tagless t-shirt, hopped into my 2012 Toyota Corolla that is literally held together with duct tape and is probably not even street legal, stuffed a celebrity rockstar sized line of cocaine into my face and voted for “Pig Poop Balls” as my write-in candidate. I understood the assignment.
2012? Your car isn’t of legal age?
Damn, you’re rich?! I have a 1998 Corolla
It’s my partner’s old car actually so I never even bought it. Her parents like to throw their money around to show God how humble they are.
If you’re going to write about me at least have the decency to tag me
I was writing about me… 😳 Lol
I was just making a joke, didn’t mean to steal your valor
Nah you good I was making a joke off of your joke rofl. Besides I’m too broke to afford cocaine.
I’ve got a trick for that. Find some people selling cocaine, then ask to become a dealer (you have to gain their trust thru a weird little minigame of some sort) then when they give you the cocaine pretend to go out and sell it and then just do it all yourself.
Literally flawless strategy
I hope it’s a fishing mini game.
I was thinking of the oblivion wheel, but sure
I only remember the lock picking mini game from those games and as someone that can pick locks, as long as it’s not that, it should be fine.