Truly a pretty terrible place for any kind of social activity.
People here are super self righteous and unwavering in their beliefs, quick to insult others and be generally bitchy, pedantic and quick to dogpile. Worst of all while still usually slightly wrong about a thing, but unwilling to hear it.
It’s basically the worst parts of reddit users where we have boiled it down to the most affluent or socially insecure.
Even if it’s as simple as a question people jump to defend their position with insults rather than answer it cause they get worried the person might be confused and it’s best to just make sure it’s a closed community as quick as possible.
This isn’t an open community it’s a private gated one where everyone jumped the fence and is scared that the wrong person might have come in with them.
Condescending is not welcoming.
Upvoting cause they are your in group isn’t community.
Berating outcasts cause you at least don’t feel like them is still bullying.
At this point, i’m having a decent time here but I also have a decent block list, an instance blocked, and another mostly blocked.
I don’t mind the commies too much, since I’m an ancom, though I have argued with them on my previous main account a lot, and it did get exhausting since some communities dogmatically support specific arguments that have been proven wrong a hundred years ago or are based on strawmen, or fundamental misunderstandings, or on viewpoints that haven’t been mainstream since the 1800s.
Lemmy has changed a bit since I joined when reddit announced their api changes. It used to be more radical, but I’ve seen a lot more centrists and center left folks join, and I think the mixing of that has caused a fuckton of drama.
Though I don’t see a lot of insults anymore. I’ve been insulted a million different ways, but since march or april I’ve seen a reduction in people calling me a slur or people calling me a fascist or trumper even though my position is to the left of theirs. I remember being insulted incessantly after October of last year.
I tend to be careful where I reply with political talk (AKA not on .world or most hexbear communities) but the non political communities are wonderful. I fucking love the queer communities here (even on hexbear) and the open source communities are also great.
I just hope the toxicity drops to what I remember around June or July of last year once elections end.
Nice.
I actually think I agree with a lot of your points but just got called a “shitheed” like 20 minutes ago by someone that clearly doesn’t agree on dictionary definitions.
But I also make the mistake of trying to bring a rational take I hope in the big communities and that is not welcomed.
But I think your block list is just better at covering those people as well cause I could give pretty specific names for people that have come at me and gone through my other comments to further insult me.
I’m thinking it’s real world stress and isolation torrenting in and the anonymous nature makes it easy to treat people on the other side like garbage cause “what does it matter”
Maybe should ban those people but I see a lot of agreement with that kind of treatment of others and it’s like being bullied in school all over again.
I think the best way to avoid getting insulted just to conduct yourself carefully.
What you said sounds haughty. It implies that everyone else is irrational and you are the sole voice of reason, and that you are ultimately right and that’s why people are taking issue with you. Things like that is what leads to insults flying. Even if you didn’t intend that, it is impossible to know that from the text alone.
If you are talking online to “be right” rather than to discuss and debate, it will come through. And this is true even if you are literally correct in a case and have a dictionary definition as proof. People would rather talk to someone who isn’t trying to “be right” even if they are arguing on which view is correct. It’s about how you say things, and why you are bothering to engage.
Part of why I rarely get insulted is because I’m careful with my conduct. Even when I doubt the person on the other side of the screen is being genuine, act as if they are. Those feelings have been wrong a few times, and if I used that feeling as a way to be rude and say “you are a disingenuous person” I can skip saying that and counter the disingenuous bit.
How I approach responses is usually done in such a way that I try and prevent escalation. I’m not perfect, I often get on lemmy when I’m drunk and on the train ride home, or waiting for alcohol to wear off after drinking with friends online before going to bed. And usually I don’t have much of a filter then.
The only time I ever get insulted anymore is when I’m dealing with zionists or people on the right, since we are diametrically opposed in our views. Specifically in the case of Zionists, I have a hard time being respectful though I try initially. Plus, they will always be incredibly demeaning and go “BuT YoU ArE QqUeEr tHaT meAnS tHeY wOuLd KilL YoU OvEr ThErE” while not even considering the fact that, at this point, Israel has very likely killed more queers than any Palestinian vigilante or governmental system that they are imagining. Hard to keep your cool when things like that happen, though I usually drop a meme that points out how horrid that position is and block em, since it isn’t worth continuing.
As for my thoughts about why people are dicks online, i think it’s the lack of face to face communication leads people to be less respectful which over a few comments will escalate. And I think that people will often take something that would obviously not be seen as an attack in a face to face conversation as an attack online, where there is less context from tone or body language. I think that some people are socialized to be shitty to their political opponents due to the current media ecosystem. And most importantly, there are much fewer consequences. But i don’t think anonymity is a factor.
I protest a lot, and in most cases I opt to maintain anonymity. But I don’t always. I’ve been at pride marches far enough from home that I don’t feel the need to make any effort to remain anonymous, and even at those I’ve seen people be shitty to my face, or to other people/the crowd. I’ll never see those folks again once I leave.
Hell, I remember a fuckton of name calling and bullying at school when there was no anonymity.
Finally, as for my blocklist, the point of a blocklist is to separate you from people you won’t get along with. If someone is going through your history to downvote you or insult you, that is what it is for. Blocklists have to be tuned and maintained by design in order to work.
Asking the bullied to conduct themselves carefully is exactly my point why I don’t like this place.
You are assuming the conversations that I’m upset about but it’s ones where I ask a question and get told I’m trolling and a liar for not knowing something or a liar for knowing something.
I shared details about physics of material fabrication in space once in a thread had a person just “nuh-uh” me and call me names and then people all agreed with him despite the fact that I tried to point I had a dual major in theoretical astrophysics and Astro xenobiology.
Like whoever gets the people laughing and speaks like they have a big enough dick around here is still right by default. That isn’t a community it’s a cesspit.
I just hate the idea of blocking people for one time being a jerk. I’ve disagreed with people then agreed with them later.
I dunno I seem to want something that might not exist? It sure as heck feels lonely.