I dreamt I had maybe crashed out while extremely drunk and then realized that that couldn’t have happened, because I was on a spaceship very far from the events that had taken place in my mind and, of course, we hadn’t actually gone back to Earth for me to make an ass out of myself.

Then I dreamt that I woke up and despite my earlier conclusions, there was video of that shit, that I then watched and saw it starting with me failing to sit on a chair and assplanting in front of it. The few people who weren’t scared of me were comfortable casually joking about this event where I got totally blotto and aggro.

Then I totally woke up for real, I hope.

My drinking as of late, while excessive, hasn’t been to the point of losing control for almost a decade.