So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn’t care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.

I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren’t for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn’t work.

I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend’s pee but then I learned that you’re actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn’t work either.

So basically I’m fucked and I don’t know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don’t know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?

Also, idk how relevant this is but I’m 5’9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.

    • came_apart_at_Kmart [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      30·
      10 months ago

      I second this (consulting Erowid), because my advice/direct experience is almost 20 years old.

      back then (maybe today?) head shops would also sell “detox drinks” which was basically like a 20oz bottle of a colored drink.

      the instructions would be to wait until maybe an hour or 30 mins before the test, down the entire bottle. then refill the bottle with water and drink that. within like 10 minutes you’ll have to pee. after that first pee, youll feel the need to go every 20 mins or so and all of those will be “clean”.

      I used it to pass employment drug screens multiple times and would keep a bottle in my trunk just in case. pretty sure it was just an over the counter diuretic.