I am currently going through a lot of gender questioning, and I want to know how you all discovered your gender identities, or if you are still questioning yourself. I think that I am probably not cis, but as we all know, gender isn’t black and white. I’m identifying as non-binary right now, but I have had a lot of times throughout my life, including now, where I may have wanted to be more feminine, or even a woman. Especially after lurking on this site and looking at the trans megathreads, I find myself relating to a lot of what is being said. Overall, I recently feel like I have either hit a wall or just opened up a part of myself that I thought I had already solved, so I think that the experiences of others might help me figure myself out.
P.S. I don’t know if this is the appropriate comm, it made a little more sense than the trans comm, since it said it was more of a meme comm, and this is not a meme. Mods, please take it down if it’s the wrong comm; I’ll repost if I need to.
I’m agender, meaning I don’t really associate myself with gender at all. I’m amab, but never cared to be a boy when I was growing up. I had two older sisters who would rope me into playing “girls games” when I was young. I was never really happy with my appearance when I was a teenager, but I never thought I wasn’t enough of a man. I wanted to be skinnier and more attractive and have cooler hair, I didn’t want to be masculine. I didn’t want to be feminine either - gender literally just never played a part in how I wanted to look. I never felt like I had to fit in with boys by acting masculine, or that girls worked differently from boys. I didn’t think about gender.
I was 19 before I started to question my gender. I knew I didn’t want to be a girl - some feminine things give me a lot of gender dysphoria, even today. I played Deltarune, which has a canonically non-binary main character, and became really hooked on every aspect of the game, including the main character’s gender presentation. At first I thought “oh, awesome, non-binary representation”, but then I realised that playing as and relating to a character with they/them pronouns was appealing to me.
I don’t consider myself androgynous, because I don’t try to steer away from a clear gender presentation. I’m masc presenting for the most part. I guess I fall under the umbrella term of non-binary, but I feel like that’s too vague to describe my identity. When I say I’m agender, I mean that I am completely ambivalent to gender. I would happily wear a dress or a corset if I thought it looked good on me. I don’t think about whether I will look feminine or masculine when I wear clothes. I have some clothes that I really like, that look like cool cloaks - and they provide absolutely nothing to my gender presentation. Gender exists, as a concept, but its not for me.
I really identify with your first paragraph here. For most of my life I didn’t want to be a guy, but it just never occurred to me that I didn’t have to be. Shout out to all the trans comrades on here and the mandatory pronouns for helping me realize that being a nonbinary entity is