I have a very big brain therefore I prefer RAID: Shadow Legends and Clash of Clans 
Big “kid who was an uncle that works for nintendo” energy
Chess is woke, the queen doesnt even have giant knockers.
There are more possible games of chess than there are atoms in the universe and it’s one of the reasons the game remains unsolved after hundreds of years. But sure. We’ll go with mobile gacha games as more complex.
Chess, the game which can famously be improved upon for an entire lifetime, was too simple for him at age 8? Sounds like he plateaued and didn’t know how to keep improving.
I’m pretty sure he absolutely sucked at chess, but being the narcissist that he is, he refused to acknowledge taking losses fair and square and instead took his proverbial ball and went home to some fucking phone game.
You know what’s worse than chess? Poker. In real life, if you go up to someone and show them a royal flush, they don’t just give you money. Plus two kings would have way more power than three “twos” (which, by the way, should be the same value as one six. Can the designers of this game not even do basic math?) Totally unrealistic, 0/10.
TFW the casino guy has a full house and Bugs Bunny only has a pair of ones and another pair of ones.
What were they thinking?!
“no tech tree is unrealistic” jfc could this guy be any dumber
Science is about dumping resources into a science meter that fills up until you get a science discovery.
Similarly, to get the Science Victory, you can abandon pretty much all quality of life concerns about a civilization and let it all burn while the USS Bazinga is on its way to Alpha Centauri.
Still fucking love that his example for a truly advanced game is Polytopia, a mobile Civ clone
He loves it so much, it’s one of the games that comes on Teslas
Yes, the cars
I never heard before of Polytopia, so i searched and first article about it include:
The Rally Point: The Battle For Polytopia is this summer’s low-intensity strategy game
Strategy games are the go-to option when you’re looking for something to really get your brain working. But they can seem unreachable when your synapses are being melted from without rather than through overuse. Happily, we found an excellent solution last summer, and being a wily fox, I had a plan ready for this year. 2022’s now-traditional Low-Intensity Strategy Game For When Burny Light Make Think Hard is, of course, The Battle For Polytopia.
Everything does one or two simple things, and statistics are kept to basic 1-4 scales for attack, range, movement and defence, plus a few simple special abilities. It means that turns are never very long, and fights take a little thinking over but no strain or advanced calculation.
There’s never too much to think about, never too many chores, and between the cheerful cartoony atmosphere and low-stakes matches, any disappointment or frustration is quickly forgotten.
It’s other shortcoming is its somewhat limited variety.
Simultaneously dunking on himself for being bad a chess AND civilization. Man’s done a twofer.
interesting
Ya lol. It’s a fun lil distraction… But the strategy is rather basic in the end. Like way easier than chess. Despite the tech tree.
If King Bazinga likes it, it must be for the biggest big boy brains.
There are winning moves that are so complicated in the sequences that they open or force that it seems like blunders to humans, it’s so hard to see winning moves
chess is too simple game
It’s remarkable how stupid this man is. A better evidence for the fact that meritocracy under capitalism isn’t real than this blood-diamond-dipshit doesn’t exist. also iirc “meritocracy” itself was literally coined as a satire term to make you laugh at the (I think british?) MPs being in leadership positions while blatantly being the most dumbass incompetent and vain people on the planet; but then the same people it was criticizing did what they did to “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps”
“pulling yourself up by your bootstraps”
That was originally (and correctly) seen as an absurd and impossible task, something like squeezing blood from a stone. But then proto-chuds grabbed onto it tight.
well i play dawn of war sometimes so i guess im smarter than the bazinga genius
heck i have spent literally hundreds of hours in ARMA 3, if you want to talk about more rigorous realistic simulations of reality than chess lol, that turn based icon clicker shit is nothing compared to frantically scanning that treeline 1.5 km away with your thermal optics for the anti-tank launcher that just took out your tracks and killed your driver while your ‘lock-on warning’ indicator blares in your ears. what, you need infinite time to decide actions on your turn? even chess often has a timer lol
Arms 2 was such a vibe.
Waiting for any sort of support while OPFOR is slowly rolling in armor and suppressing your foxhole is definitely a relaxing spot to be in
It really just sounds like the major complaint is the lack of cheat codes
No pay-to-win mechanics to dump more money into than an entire school district’s annual budget whenever some kid is ahead of you on the leader boards.
taptaptaptaptaptap oh yay nuke bunny
This fucking guy. Chess is hard because there’s no “fog of war”.
yeah dude chess needs fog of war
Lol he’s just describing Stratego
great game tbh love randomly hitting bombs and getting pissed off
Setting bombs for me is hit or miss because I giggle like a child when my opponent gets close to a bomb. My mind goes to looney tunes and I lose my tactical advantage.
The further a game is from Advance Wars 2: Blackhole Rising the worse it is. If I can’t use Sonjas CO passive to kill my opponent’s queen with no chance of retaliation then the game sucks.
great username
Ty!
how about your chess opponent’s chair is in fog of war and they get given a double barrel sawn off shotgun at the start of the game
Battleship chess. Neat.
“Hell no” (or “Impossible” or “Nonsense”), when the attempted move is always illegal regardless of the opponent’s position. For example, moving a bishop as if it were a knight.
Typical western bullshit. Chuds can’t win unless they can stack the odds in their favor.
Holy shit this guy is a loser dweeb. Someone shove him into a locker.
REDDIT MOMENT!
We’ve gone beyond “I need to play Chess so people think I’m smart” to “Chess is for idiots”, and how many people will start thinking the same way because the government approved Smart GuyTM said so?
Just say you prefer video games because it makes it easier to suspend your disbelief, and has more things to do. No one will judge you for that, not even me. Hell, I’d agree with you, I wish that some video games were given more intellectual credibility.
I’m pretty sure a lot of credulous bazingas started buying into le epic Polytopia so they could feel big brained and enlightened too.
