- Dying of heatstroke in the summer due to global warming and not having an air conditioner in your fifty-year- old rental apartment that costs £5 million on the market
- Freezing to death in the winter because the Labour government just cut your fuel allowance
- Cheering with your mates every time migrants drown crossing the Channel
- Burning to death in a tower block due to the complete negligence of every single responsible party
- Being so transphobic that your family can no longer be around you
- Waking up every morning and not taking to the streets to overthrow the inbred hereditary aristocracy that rules over you
- Strawpedoing six bottles of Smirnoff Ice at Oceana while Cascada plays.
Excuse me, strawwhat?
The good thing about British English is that there’s never going to be any confusion about “paedo” as in “paedophile” and “pedo” as in “torpedo”, at least in writing.
The loss of ae was a disaster for languages
I didn’t even consider that really, yet another cultural L for TERF Island that everyone will think of pedophile before torpedo when they see that combination of letters.
Aye but there’s always a mixup when software developers need a nonce
That term does makes me feel a bit weird about referring to “nonce words”
great way to down a drink - cw: reddit but actually a pretty decent video showing the concept
That’s… next level alcoholism.
fun fact: i learnt this trick at age 13. britain is great like that
what a strange thing to want a great technique for… why?
because alcoholism is british culture
you mean european culture, but yeah.
still, there’s no need to chug drinks to achieve alcoholism.
if i dont drink straight spirits i cant be an alcoholic guvna
and other fairy tales we tells ourselves :)
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This is just all gonna be stolen from /r/britishproblems and /r/casualuk
Both subs are run by tory shits working to incrementally move people rightwards.
EDIT: Read the first ten, these are really shit I could do better.
Not having read the full list, I hope that “jumping from a hotel window in Balearic islands to your death because you tried ‘balconing’ and missed the hotel pool” is there
That’s number 3 actually!
Fake news, can’t find it!
3 is just a rip off of the MTA’s “If you see something, say something.”
80% of these can be summed up as “You have semi-functional alcoholism.”
He literally just like hanged out for a couple days eating random fast food for breakfast lunch and dinner, and then going out to a pub afterwards and using all that for research.
Just fucking took the tube one time and wrote down the announcement to put on the list, heard one piss drunk call it “the panny d” as a bit and stole that for another list entry.
Like a solid two thirds of this is literally just the author taking a fucking walk and making up nonsense about various fast food/grocery store things or looking at tourist destinations to reference.
Genuine masterclass in churning out bullshit in a single day, impressive. The British must absolutely execute this little bastard in public, give him an honorary CIA journalism award treatment.
Whoever made the header image seems more familiar with Britain than the author. They at least knew enough to include alcohol in the picture.
- getting fancy snacks from an overpriced chain
- travelling all over the worst anglo holiday spots in south/east europe to get drunk and be a dickhead (but ironically)
- going out in your hometown to get drunk and be a dickhead (but fancily)
- having a phrasy phrase with your matey mates
yep, it’s middle class anglo time
- “My wife told me to stop playing Wonderwall – I said: ‘Maybe …’”
'ello, govnah! Don’t kill 'evin Bacon
Seriously though how do the British stay alive if this is their peak experience?
It’s not, this is performed Britishness for American consumption. It used to be pretending to be a royal.
Now the middle class folk of the Guardian, who think calling someone a ‘cockwomble’ is hilarious, have written a list summarising a tiktok trend of British performance, this time a performance as a poor rather than a royal.
I don’t know what two-thirds of this shit means and even I can tell it sucks
4/100, truly awful quiz
oh no i’m 4% british noooo
This can never be forgiven
first i’m actually a progressive, now i find out i’m too british
i made 6/100 that i can relate to. is my citizenship revoked?
The nice thing about this is that I’ve come to realise I’m definitely not British. I feel way less guilt.
Sink the island into the sea, nothing of value would be lost.
“CONSUME PRODUCT. PRODUCT IS YOUR PERSONALITY.”
Park life!
I got 5/100
This list is also highly England-centric but that’s the case whenever a saes says British.
